A Second Chance
by sleepyseven
Summary: The Sequel to 'James Returns'. Bella is trying to deal with her feelings for James but something is telling her it's not over. Edward is having a hard time adjusting to the new Bella. Rating for all kinds of naughtiness and language. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Twilight and everything about it belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I am just borrowing.

This is the sequel to James Returns. I hope everyone likes it! Please Review!! =)

Chapter 1

Bella-

The air around me smelled like chemicals, the beeping from the monitor next to my head was really starting to annoy me. I had been in the hospital for four days now and all I wanted to do was go home. I could hear Carlisle, acting like Dr. Cullen now, outside my door talking with one of the nurses.

I wanted to yell at him, beg him to let me go home, but I hadn't been able to speak a single word since my return. Carlisle had told Rene and Charlie that I was dehydrated and in shock to keep with the story of me being lost in the forest for almost five days. But when I heard him talking to Edward, he was saying things like 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder' and mental evaluation. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it was the reason they still had me here under observation.

Something told me that if I didn't talk soon I was going to get a new room with padded walls and a nice cocktail of colorful pills everyday. That didn't really sound so bad. Escaping from my own thoughts would be a welcome experience. But right now I was stuck here, in this hospital room, and Edward never left my side.

Since Edward was Dr. Cullen's son and the simple fact that they couldn't get him away from me without a chain attached to a twenty-ton truck, he had been allowed to stay.

Sometimes when I would wake up after a particularly bad dream, he would just stare at me like he didn't know me anymore. He was acting stranger and stranger every day. I wanted so badly to comfort him, to reassure him that I still loved him. Something just wouldn't let me.

I knew how worried my parents were, they had no idea what had really happened. Charlie was taking my condition even harder then Rene. He felt like he had failed as a father and as the Chief of Police. After all, everyone thought it was Edward who had found me in the forest.

The official story was that I had gone out for a jog and had gotten confused when the sun went down. I had wandered in circles for a few days until exhaustion and dehydration had kept me from being able to move or call out to the search parties.

Of course this was speculation since I hadn't confirmed or denied the truth of the story. If Charlie would really think about it for any length of time, the entire story was based on something ridiculously out of character for me. When had I ever in my life gone for a jog? I giggled at the thought, and Edward was at my side in a second, confusion masked his worry.

"Are you ok Bella?"

He was so worried about me, and all I had done was giggle. This sent another bout of chuckles and snorts through me. After a minute I was laughing uncontrollably, I was hardly able to breathe. I had no idea why I thought it was so funny. Maybe I really was going crazy, because as quickly as my laughter had started; it changed into deep heart wrenching sobs.

I clutched at my chest, trying to control the furious beating of my heart. The full impact of everything that had happened in the past two weeks was catching up to me, Edward leaving me, James kidnapping me, the rape, if I still wanted to call it that, and losing James. It was all crashing down on me, piles of emotion so heavy it was threatening to crush me.

Edward slipped his arms under me and held me tightly; I had to hang on to him to keep from completely losing myself in the pain. If I let go now, I would never come back. I would spend the rest of my life in the dark bubble of sorrow alone with my memories and regrets.

Half of me harbored enough guilt to fill an entire prison; Edward loved me and would do anything for me. He would even give his own existence in exchange for mine. Yet I was spending all my time thinking about the one man who had almost ripped us apart. Edward had no idea that James wasn't the maniacal, evil villain he had imagined.

The other half of me was falling apart from losing someone I loved. I had to think about it for a long time, spending entire nights awake, studying my feelings from every angle. Love and hate were so far from each other, but I had felt both for James. I accepted that now. At first I tried to excuse my feelings, trying to convince myself it was some weird effect from the 'incident' as I now referred to it. James was my first, no matter how it happened. The memory of him would never leave me, and I didn't want it to.

Carlisle and Edward had decided not to tell anyone about the rape. They couldn't come up with a way to explain how they knew about it since I wasn't talking, or who to blame it on. So with Alice distracting my parents, and Edward keeping watch at the door, Carlisle had done a pelvic exam to make sure I had no internal injuries.

To say it was uncomfortable was an understatement of massive proportions. After he was done he explained to me the different emotions a victim like me might be going through. He said that even if I had felt pleasure at some point, that didn't mean I had wanted it. I listened, only half hearing what he was saying.

I was busy remembering all the things I had felt with James while it happened. Had I fought him because I really didn't want to be with him, or because I felt guilty about it not being Edward? I knew that James had gone into some sort of daydream when we were together, imagining his beloved Melody being there with him. But part of me wished he had seen me. I wanted him to know he was touching my body, kissing my lips.

Grief gripped my body again when I thought that James would never be able to touch anyone ever again. It felt like I had been lost in my thoughts for hours, but it had only been minutes. I was still in Edward's arms, hanging on for dear life. My brain finally clicked into place and the words reached my lips.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." The words were choked and hoarse. Tears were flowing freely, dripping down my face. I could taste the salt on my lips.

"No, Bella. None of this was your fault." If only I were brave enough to tell him the truth. All of this was my fault, if only I could control my own heart. He didn't need to shoulder all of the blame.

"I want to go home."

I chickened out, the words had been on the tip of my tongue and I just let them tumble back into my throat. I wasn't ready to tell him how I was really feeling.

"Then you can go home." He pushed the button on the bed and called for Carlisle to come discharge me. I was going home, to start over as this new person inhabiting my soul.


	2. Chapter 2

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Please review!

Chapter 2

The worst part about talking is answering questions. It felt like I was I fielding them from every direction. Rene and Charlie were constantly hovering around me; Rene wanted to know exactly what had happened while I was gone. A second by second replay, Charlie just wanted to know what he could do for me now. I was finally able to get rid of everyone by saying I was tired.

Now I sat alone, feeling like a stranger in my own room. I had even sent Edward away, the hurt in his eyes when I told him I wanted to be alone for a while had almost been unbearable. I was wishing for him now, being alone was hard to do when you don't like yourself. I couldn't even look in the mirror for more than a second.

I tried to listen to music while lying in bed for a few minutes. Losing myself in the lyrics worked for a short time; until a line from the song playing made me sit up in bed like someone had just broken my door down. It should have brought images of Edward into my head, memories of his touch. But instead there were only thoughts of James. His red eyes on me, his hands moving like water across my skin.

I took a deep breath and stood up; there was no way I could sleep now. I walked over to the window and pushed the old yellowed curtains aside. Everything was grey and soggy, like the entire world had been sitting in the fridge too long. I longed for sun light, warm and bright like the fire that it began from. From the corner of my eye I saw a flash in the trees. Golden and shining, just like the day Edward had brought me home.

Leaning against the window I held my breath, my eyes began to water from the effort of not blinking. I was worried I would miss something if I did. Could it be? I wondered. Of course not, I had seen Edward kill James with my own two eyes. There was no way possible for him to be hiding in the forest outside my house.

A strange feeling came over me, like I was being watched, but not in a bad way. Warmth spread through my body and I held back a giggle at what I was thinking. It was something I would never have thought to do before, not a normal Bella thought. I stepped back from the window just slightly, and slipped my shirt up over my head. I turned around and tossed it onto the chair sitting in front of my old desk.

The song that had come on next was only encouraging me to keep going, the beat was slow and deep. I rocked my hips side to side with the music. In place of the scared little girl that used to control me, a strange new woman was taking over.

The need to feel James' hands on me was uncurling inside of me like smoke. I put my hands on my hips in the same place he had held me. I shook my hair out behind me, feeling it brush against my back. Slowly, I slipped my jeans down over my hips and stepped out of them.

I turned back to the window, keeping my eyes down like I had no clue of what I was doing. My hands shook just slightly as I unhooked my bra, and with a quick gasp of air I let it fall to the floor. I walked closer to the window and bent to the nightstand next to my bed and picked up a rubber band.

Facing the window head on I pulled my hair up into a tight ponytail, taking just a few seconds longer then it actually required. I closed my eyes and let my body remember exactly how it felt to have James pressed up against me; his hands sliding down my body to my thighs. A door slammed somewhere down stairs and I snapped back to reality. I angrily closed the curtains and went to the closet for a shirt. Maybe medication wasn't such a bad idea after all, I was clearly losing it.

Thankfully I was back to being regular old Bella and I was cursing the crazy woman who had been putting on a show for an invisible lover. It was more likely that there was some creepy pervert outside, not James. It was definitely more likely that Edward was out there right now. My heart missed a beat when I thought of him watching me change.

For all the time we spent together, we had never done anything more than kiss. Edward wouldn't allow for anymore than that, he was scared of what he would do to me. A little voice in my head said there wasn't much I didn't want him to do to me.

I had a taste of pleasure and now I wanted more. It was only so confusing because I wanted it from two different people. Luckily there was no need for me to chose, I only had one option now.

The flash of light I had seen in the trees came back to me. It was possible that it had been Edward. If a patch of sunlight had fallen on him he would light up like a damn Christmas tree. I looked outside again, disappointment dropped on me like rain. The clouds were thick and swollen with water. There was nowhere for the sun to break through. If that were true though, then it was possible… I rubbed my eyes, I couldn't think like that. James is gone I told myself forcefully.

A light knock on my door shook me from my thoughts. I scurried over to open it; embarrassment from my lack of modesty reddened my cheeks. What if someone had seen me and now Charlie was coming to see what the hell was going on up here. I poked my head around the door. I was only wearing an old t-shirt and Charlie didn't need to see me like that. There was no need to worry though, it was only Rene.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing honey." Her eyes still had the same curious look from the first moment she'd seen me. She hadn't been satisfied with the answers I had given her.

"I'm fine mom; I was just about to go back to bed." I wasn't in the mood for another round of twenty questions.

"Alright then, I am going to head back to the hotel for the night." Rene had been sleeping in my bed while I was at the hospital, but now that I was home Phil had flown out and they had a room in Port Angeles. I felt guilty for being thankful there were only two beds in the house. Rene's constant presence wasn't what I needed at the moment.

"Ok mom, I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed my cheek and I closed the door as she walked away. I pressed my forehead against the door and took in a deep breath.

I hated lying to her and Charlie, but there was no way they could ever know the truth. When I turned back to my room I almost jumped out of my skin. Edward was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. The look on his face was something I'd never seen from him before. It looked almost like hunger.


	3. Chapter 3

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 3

Edward-

It hurt when Bella had sent me away, but I could understand her wanting to be alone for a little while. She hadn't been acting normal since I'd rescued her from James.

'Who would' I thought?

After what she had been through, I couldn't blame her. Something was bothering me though. Even after Bella had started talking again it was as if there were someone else saying the words. Sometimes she would sound like herself, and other times she was someone I didn't know. Then there was the sleep talking; the things she would say...

It had to be the stress, like Carlisle had said. I needed to believe that.

I paced through the trees outside Bella's house, listening to the conversation inside. Rene wanted Bella to come back to Florida with her. She didn't think she was safe in Forks anymore. Charlie didn't fight her, but said it was up to Bella. Whatever she wanted, Charlie would go with that. I wouldn't let her go though, not after nearly losing her. An odd conviction since I'd left her once already.

My eyes moved to Bella's window, I needed to see her. I couldn't believe how close I had come to never seeing her again. What had I been thinking when I left?

Bella had gotten up and was pushing the curtains aside to peer out into the fading light. Her face was like an angel, glowing in the warm light from her bedroom.

She pressed herself up to the window and was straining to see outside. Was she looking for me? I knew I shouldn't have left her alone; I cursed myself for listening when she told me to go.

Just as I was about to head towards the house she stepped back from the window and looked down at something off to the side. Then in a move I could only categorize as thoughtless she pulled her shirt off. I was stunned, too shocked at Bella's carelessness to move.

Then something inside of me whispered for more. My eyes ached with the need to see her skin. I put my hand on the tree next to me for support.

Bella turned away from the window and I thought she had realized her mistake at leaving the curtains open, but instead she was moving her hips seductively side to side, moving with the music in her room. It was low, but I could still hear it.

She slowly let her jeans down off of her hips. Something was stirring in me, urging me forward. If I were only there in her room with her, I could touch her soft, warm skin.

I closed my eyes for a second. I was worried I was having some sort of hallucination. When I opened them Bella was back in the window, topless. I swallowed hard, trying to calm the pulsing in my pants. She put her hair up slowly, giving me plenty of time to take in every curve of her body.

I heard a noise somewhere behind me that broke the spell I was in. My mind instantly switched from lusting to protection. If someone were out her watching Bella I would break their neck. That didn't make any sense though. If someone were out here I would have smelled them a long time ago. I listened intently, but there was nothing.

When I turned back to the house Bella was at the door talking to her mother. I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes. What was that? I had never seen Bella act like that, ever.

Bella was clumsy and shy, not seductive. I sprinted over to the house and up to her window. She was telling her mother good night as I silently let myself in and went to the chair to sit down.

Should I confront her, or act like I hadn't seen anything? My thoughts stopped abruptly when I noticed she wasn't wearing any pants. The t-shirt she was wearing stopped just below her hips, showing her plump rear end. The tight pink underwear she had on hugged her everywhere, even the slight curve between her legs.

I needed to control myself. This was no way to be thinking right now. Even if I thought I was strong enough to control myself with Bella, how could she even want that after what had happened? She needed time to recover I reminded myself sternly.

Bella shut the door and leaned against it. Guilt weakened the hardness in my pants, she was upset and here I was, watching her change and staring at her ass like a dog in heat. When she turned towards me she jumped and let out a little gasp of surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I shifted lower into the chair. I didn't want her to see my hard on and guess what I had been thinking.

"It's ok." Her face turned red and she walked over to the bed. My sweet Bella, I thought, she didn't need a disgusting boy friend like me.

When she sat down her legs spread just slightly, enough for me to see everything through her tight underwear. She must not have known just how much I could see. I turned my eyes to the door.

"Do you want me to go?"

She had in fact told me to leave earlier, and I had invited myself back without her knowing.

"No, stay. Please… "She smiled at me and put her hand out for me to come to her. "Lay with me, I want to hear my lullaby."

I hesitated for a second, not sure if anything was still showing through my pants. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Bella was lying down now, waiting for me. I walked up to the bed and had to catch my breath when I took in the sight of her. The thin shirt was hiding nothing. She was practically naked right in front of me.

Moving quickly, I went to the other side of the bed and settled in behind her, careful not to press myself up against her. My mind was running with so many thoughts, so many things I wanted at that moment. Bella shifted up to me and pulled my arm around her, resting it right beneath her chest. She was trying to drive me nuts I decided. There was no way to hide my desire now, but Bella didn't move away from me.

I had the unexpected impulse to roll her over and take her. Take her back from James I thought bitterly. He had taken what was supposed to be mine, and now I wanted it back.

My hand flattened against her stomach, I had to fight to keep it from moving up to her breasts. They were brushing against my thumb already. She rolled towards me, her eyes full of need.

"Edward, don't you want me?" She whispered.

How could I deny that?

I kissed her slowly, moving my hand down to cup the back of her thigh, hiking her leg up over me. I moved myself up against her and kissed her neck. I wanted her so badly. I pulled away to look her in the eyes, but she had them shut tight. We rolled together so that I was on top and I when I was about to pull her shirt off she moaned softly and I thought she mouthed a word. No, I had to be wrong, why would she be saying James' name?


	4. Chapter 4

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thanks for the reviews! I promise they make me write faster =)

Chapter 4

Bella-

The warm feeling that came over me while standing at the window was spreading over my body again. James was lying behind me, holding me tightly to him. I sighed and arched my back, pressing myself even closer to him. His hands spread out against my body and they sent sparks of electricity through me.

I rolled to face him and he began peppering my neck with kisses, pulling my leg up over him, I could feel him against me, strong and hard. This is what I needed, everything felt so right. The happiness I felt was so lightening, the weight of guilt I had been carrying with me lifted off my chest. A little moan escaped my lips and I breathed his name, James…

"Bella?" Edwards's voice was a cold splash of water that brought me back to reality. The room was spinning, my head suddenly pounding. What was happening?

"Are you ok? I thought… you were saying something..." His eyes were troubled. The air around us was thick, almost suffocating.

"Yes, I'm ok. I just have a head ache all of a sudden." My head was still swimming from the switch of James to Edward. It felt like I was moving against a strong current, threatening to take me under.

"I'm sorry Bella; I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't be pressuring you with this." By 'this' he meant the bulge in his pants that was still pressed against me.

"Don't be sorry! I want you here Edward." I didn't know how to say exactly what I wanted from him without being embarrassed.

So I put my hands to his face and pulled his lips down to mine. His kisses didn't have the same urgent need that had been there a few seconds ago. The moment was ruined. I felt so wrong for imagining James in his place. I wanted to apologize without telling him what for. It would break his heart if he knew what I was thinking.

"You should get some sleep Bella." Edward was detaching himself from me, moving to a safe distance like always. I covered my eyes with my hands and let all the air out of my lungs. I just needed time I told myself, time to forget James.

I fell asleep in Edward's arms and dreamt of James.

He and Edward were fighting each other for me, for my love. All I could do was stand back and watch them, torn in half over who I wanted to win. They just kept going at each other, two beautiful warriors, fighting for love. They wouldn't stop until I chose one of them, but I couldn't. Whichever I didn't chose wouldn't survive. I loved them both I thought, how could I sentence one of them to death? When I woke in the morning, I felt even more tired than when I had fallen asleep.

Edward was sitting in the rocking chair, staring out the window. Dark shadows fell across his face, making it all hard lines and distorted shapes. Something was bothering him, the room felt empty and cold.

I sat up slowly, shivering against the morning air. The clock said it was only seven, normally I would be getting ready for school, but Charlie had said I didn't have to go back until I was ready. Today was not that day.

Besides, I thought, Rene would be going home today. I wanted to take her to the airport. Edward still hadn't looked at me when I stood to go to the bathroom. I left the room, bringing the strange empty feeling with me.

After I brushed my teeth and washed my face I looked at myself in the mirror. I searched for signs of a change. Was the other Bella inside me forcing her way out? Would I look different if she did? Everything looked the same though.

My eyes still had the dark circles under them, but I hadn't been sleeping well so that was to be expected. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, I was seriously losing it. There was no one else inside of me I told myself firmly. Get a grip Bella.

When I let myself back into my room Edward hadn't moved an inch, he could have been a painting for as still as he was. Irritation bubbled in my chest. If he was mad about something then why was he still here? Why was he just sitting there, not talking to me? I slammed my door and huffed my way over to the closet, but he didn't budge.

I was about the head back to the bathroom, with my clothes to change when a thought hit me. I would give him something harder to ignore than a slamming door. Making sure I was in full view for him, I stripped off my nightshirt and underwear and changed right in the center of my room. Without looking at him once, I slowly pulled on my clothes and a jacket.

Once I was done, and feeling the childish satisfaction of beating someone at their own game, I looked at him. He had finally noticed that I was in the room with him, but he wasn't wearing the shocked expression I was expecting. Instead he was looking at me with pity, like I had just been trying to pull my own skin off instead of getting completely naked in front of him. I blushed and crossed my arms over my chest, regretting my ploy to upset him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, angry that I had to be the first to break the silence.

His eyes softened and he shook his head.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about… things." His voice was quiet; he didn't want to talk to me apparently.

"About what things?" There was no way he would let me get away with an answer like that, so I wasn't about to let him.

"You Bella, I was thinking about you. You're not acting like yourself."

His openness surprised me. I hadn't expected him to tell me what he meant so easily.

"If I am not being myself, then who am I acting like?" I still felt childish, like I was ten again and my father was reprimanding me for talking back.

"Do you want to talk about what happened Bella?" Edward was moving to sit next to me on the bed. My heart picked up its pace, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to talk about it at all. At least not with Edward, but he would be hurt if I told him that.

"I don't think I am ready to..." I couldn't look him in the eye.

I couldn't bear to see his face when I told him how it felt when James had forced himself into me. Which would hurt him more? How much I had fought to stop James, or how much I had wanted him to keep going? Edward took my hand into his and looked at the clock. He let the subject drop for the moment.

"Not going to school today?" He sounded so sad.

"No, I'm going to take Rene and Phil to the air port." I purposely didn't invite him, but that wasn't going to stop Edward. I could see the resolve in his cold stare. No, he wasn't going to let me go more then ten feet from him for the next thirty years I thought bitterly.

Where was this sudden need for independence coming from I thought?

"I'll drive." He turned his face back to the window and frowned.

My heart cracked a little. I hated fighting with Edward, I just couldn't help it. My feelings were flip-flopping all over the place.

One second I was happy just to be near him, the next I wanted to tell him to get the hell away from me. We stood together; an uneasy feeling was erupting in me as we made our way to his car. Something was happening and I couldn't stop it.


	5. Chapter 5

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 5

Bella-

We drove to Port Angeles in silence, an invisible barrier had been erected between us. I watched out the window as the world passed us in a blur of colors. Usually it bothered me when Edward drove this fast, but right now I was wishing his car could fly. I wanted to escape the horrible quiet that had settled around us.

It wasn't long before we were pulling into the hotel parking lot to pick up Rene and Phil. Edward and I got out and walked hand in hand into the lobby, we needed to put on a happy face for my mother. She spent the entire time that we loaded their luggage into the car and the drive to the airport trying to convince me to come with her. I patiently declined, knowing she would be gone soon enough. It wasn't that I didn't miss her; I just couldn't leave the life that I had here. I was having a hard enough time readjusting from the trauma of what had happened, moving to Florida wouldn't help anything.

We were walking through the small airport to the terminal Phil and my mom were flying out of when I saw it, the flash of light. Everything around me slowed down, the sound of Rene's voice faded into the distance.

There he was, standing against the windows that lead to the tarmac. James was watching me calmly, his hands in his pockets. When I turned to walk towards him he leaned his head to the side slightly and smiled, a cocky, joking smile that made my stomach do somersaults.

Suddenly there was a rush of people in the little airport, moving between us like a raging river. I strained my eyes, not wanting to lose him. I pushed my way through the crowd, carelessly shouldering into people.

Suddenly I was only inches from him, he was shining lightly in the cloud-filtered sunlight. I wanted to touch him, to feel his cold skin. I wanted to be sure he was real.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was velvety, but concerned. It worried me slightly.

Even though I could hear him, his lips weren't moving. James just kept smiling down at me, an impossible feat considering he was dead.

"Bella!" His voice was louder now, closer to me.

A cold hand closed around my wrist and there was a snap, like a rubber band breaking. I felt like I was being sucked through a vacuum.

James was gone. The place where he had been standing was blurry, like heat waves were coming up from the floor. I reached my hand out to touch them, but they too had evaporated into thin air.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward was pulling me away from where James had been, back to him.

I reluctantly turned back to face him, why was he so calm? Didn't he see James too? I would have expected Edward to attack the first second he saw him. But he was just looking at me with his face drawn tight with worry.

"I thought I saw someone I know." I tried to keep my voice even, but it trembled slightly at the end. I took in a deep breath and smiled.

"My mistake." I squeezed his hand lightly and walked back to where my mom and Phil were waiting.

Edward was still by the window, looking the hallway over with his perfect immortal eyes, not missing a thing.

If James had really been here, there was no way Edward would have missed him. I felt shaky, like I had just been startled awake, but I smiled broadly at my mother; trying to fake being normal.

"Well, I guess this is good bye."

Security wouldn't let me through the check in area so we had to part ways right there. I felt guilty again for trying to shoo Rene off, but I needed to get out of the air port. My brain was running through scenarios, trying to figure out what had happened. I was only half paying attention to Rene.

"Yes mom, I promise to call you if I need anything." The temptation to roll my eyes was almost uncontrollable.

Phil was pulling her away now, smiling sheepishly at the people watching the dramatic scene she was making.

"I love you!" She called loudly when they were almost out of sight.

I waved and sighed. Edward put his arm around my shoulders and began steering me back to the car. He walked stiffly, watching the faces of everyone we passed. Once we were back in the car he spoke again.

"Bella, maybe you should talk to Carlisle." His eyes were narrowed with unease. I tried not to be angry, I knew he was just concerned about me.

"I really am fine Edward, I don't know what I would talk to him about." I looked out the window, hoping that if I didn't show interest in the idea he would let it go.

"Maybe he knows a therapist or something. You really should talk to someone about uh.. what happened. About the rape." He said the word like it was a piece of glass, careful not to cut himself on the sharp edges.

Edward ran his hand through his lovely bronze hair, ruffling it even more than it already was. He was so beautiful. I didn't want him to feel so guilty about something he had no control over. I wondered just how much he knew.

"Did you see it, through Alice?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

If he had, that meant Alice knew too; something I really didn't want. If he had read it from James, the details would be much clearer. Which would be worse? His eyes darted back and forth between the road and me.

"I saw it from both of them." He knew what I was really asking and I bowed my head in shame. That meant he knew how I had reacted to the things James did to me.

Tears were pooling around my eyelashes.

"I didn't mean it Edward, my body just did what it wanted to." My lips quivered with the oncoming sobs.

"No, Bella, it's ok!" He was pulling off to the side of the road. Edward unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me across the car to him. He cradled me in his lap, pushing the hair out of my face to look at me.

"Bella, look at me." He commanded, "I know it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you for anything."

He searched my face for a sign that I understood. I could only nod, I was crying too hard to talk. Maybe he was right, I did need to talk to someone, just not him. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

"Can we go see Alice?" My voice was little, child like.

"Of course we can." Edward smiled down at me.

We just sat on the side of the road for a long time; I didn't want to leave his arms. He was right, there was something wrong with me. My only hope now was Alice I thought. He unwillingly let me move back to my own seat and we drove the short distance to his house. This time he didn't let go of my hand.

I was scared and hopeful all at the same time. If Alice had seen everything that had happened I didn't have to worry about explaining it to her. It would be easier to talk to someone without reliving it out loud. I had so many questions for her. Not about what had happened between James and I, but what had happened between James and Edward.


	6. Chapter 6

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Thank you for all the great reviews! I guys are awesome!! And don't worry... James is coming wwooooo... **scary music**

Chapter 6

Bella-

We pulled into the drive way just as rain was beginning to trickle down from the ever present clouds. The dark afternoon seemed to be taking cues straight from my soul. I felt like my heart was black, pumping the darkness through my veins. Edward loved me so much, and he trusted me without a doubt, but I was about to pursue something I should just let go of. He smiled over at me, the first real smile I had seen out of him in days.

It wasn't until I was exiting the car that I had second thoughts. It wouldn't be possible for me to be completely honest with Alice, I thought sadly. Edward could read her mind, and there were some things I didn't want him to hear. It was too late to back out though, Edward thought that talking to someone would make a difference in my mood and that was what he wanted. He wanted the old Bella back.

How did I tell him she was long gone?

Alice greeted us at the door, a solemn expression on her face. Not a good sign I thought. Sometimes I hated that Alice could see things that I couldn't. She had obviously seen us coming, but what else? She hugged me tightly when I reached the door and I reciprocated. When I touched her it was like all the walls I had put up came down.

I hung on to her as tightly as I could. Her tiny frame was supporting all of my weight. It never ceased to amaze me that Alice was so strong even though she was so tiny. She was running her hand lightly down the back of my head, smoothing my hair in a comforting way.

"It's alright Bella, come on.. let's go talk." She was leading me to the kitchen, leaving Edward in the entryway.

"Oh Alice, what am I going to do?" She looked at me with sad eyes, I wasn't sure if she knew what I meant or not.

"Let's just calm down first ok?" Alice pulled out a chair from the table and sat me down in front of a hot cup of tea.

These weird vampires, I laughed to myself, always taking care of the human. I drank the warm liquid slowly, concentrating on following the heat as it slid down my throat into my belly. From there it spread through me so fast I couldn't keep up.

"Alice, I need you to tell me something." I looked into her eyes, trying to will her into telling me the truth.

"How do you kill a vampire?"

Her eyes went wide with surprise. I guess this wasn't one of the questions she had seen me asking in her vision. She misunderstood my inquiry though, thankfully.

"Bella, you don't need to worry." She put her tiny little hand over mine. "James is dead.." Her face showed some trepidation when she answered, but she masked it quickly with a smile.

"There is absolutely no way for him to be alive?" Whatever answer Alice would give me now would prove whether I was crazy or not. "A vampire couldn't survive what happened to him?" I was leaning so far forward I almost fell out of my seat.

"Some vampires, if they are very old and very strong, can survive a beheading or being set on fire." Alice intertwined her fingers and then released them quickly. She wasn't comfortable telling me this.

"But if he hadn't been able to uh… repair himself before being set on fire, or been able to get out of the fire very quickly, then there is no hope." She lightly put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, James wouldn't have been able to survive, you're safe." I let out a sigh of relief.

Not because I thought James was dead, but because there was a chance he was alive. Alice misread my mood again and smiled brightly.

"Do you want to talk about what happened... with him?" Alice's smile faded and turned into a scowl. It occurred to me that she could be replaying the entire thing in her mind at that very moment. The thought made me feel dirty.

"Alice, I know this is hard to believe, and I know Edward will never believe it, but I really would rather not talk about that." I was disappointed that I couldn't share my feelings with her. I trusted Alice more than any other girl in my entire life. She truly was a sister to me. I just didn't trust Edward to stay out of her mind, not with this subject. I could see that it was hurting her to think I didn't want to confide in her.

"It's just that, I would rather not share some things with a certain person." Maybe she would be able to read between the lines, I wanted to spare her feelings as much as I could. She got it instantly, her face going even paler than I thought possible.

"Ugh, that stupid Edward!" She curled her tiny hands into fists. "Bella, I promise I will do everything I can to block him out."

Alice was trying hard, but I knew if Edward truly wanted in, he would find a way. I put my head in my hands, there was no way around it and I just had to deal with my issues on my own.

"Maybe you should just tell Edward yourself, then you wouldn't have to feel like you were hiding anything." Alice was speaking softly now, she knew what a sensitive subject it was.

I didn't want to hurt Edward, but either way I was. If I told him the truth it would break his heart, if I didn't tell him anything it would make him feel like I didn't trust him, or I could just lie to him. None of those options seemed fair to me.

"You're right." I smiled at Alice; I wanted her to feel like she had helped at least a little bit. "I will try to talk to him." I sighed and stood up from the table, taking my cup to the sink.

Hope was blossoming deep inside me, growing through my body like a vine. I wanted to go back to the gas station where James and Edward had fought so badly I could taste it. There was no way Edward would let me go though, and if I made any plans Alice would see them. Would she tell Edward? I glanced over at her; she was still sitting in the chair at the table watching me.

"If you want to go, I will take you." Her eyes were blank and I couldn't read her feelings. "But there isn't anything there to see Bella. His ashes would have blown away by now." I just nodded, hoping she didn't really know why I wanted to go back. She stood up and glided over to me.

"Just tell me when and we will go." She kissed my cheek and was out the door before I could thank her.

I stared at the empty doorway where she had disappeared. I knew what I had to do now and I wished I could find some way out of it. I would have to talk to Edward. I let my feet carry me out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room slowly, it felt like I had cement in my shoes, each step was a little harder to take. It was now or never I thought. I took a deep breath in and lifted my hand to knock on his door. Before my hand could meet the wood it opened wide, and there stood Edward, shockingly beautiful and heart breaking sad at the same time.


	7. Chapter 7

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**I know I said James was coming, and he is!! It's just taking some time, I thought it would be weird if he just appeared with no explanation when he is supposed to be dead (he might still be... hmm...) so please be patient. Our favorite sexy bad vampire boy is on his way. There is a little bit of lemon in this chapter, sorry to those who don't enjoy that sort of thing. Happy reading.. please review. =)**_**  
**

**Chapter 7**

My insides were twisting into knots at the sight of Edward's face. There was no way I would be able to do this. If I told him the truth he would hate me, and if he never looked at me without the same love in his eyes that was present now I would crumble into pieces. He took my hand and pulled me into his room since my feet were ignoring the signals I was giving them to move forward. We sat on the couch next to each other, I looked out the window and he looked at me.

"You don't have to do this you know." Edward tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, the brush of his fingertips on my skin sent a wave of remorse through me. It wasn't fair that he loved me so much.

"Yes I do." I whispered. There was no way around it. I had to do something to make Edward stop looking at me like I was an alien.

"You saw it all in his head, I'm sure it's just as hard for you." It would be easier if I made this about him. His jaw clenched and his eyes went cold.

"Tell me how you feel Edward." He shook his head and huffed out a puff of air.

"It doesn't matter how I feel." I loved it when he tried to act tough. I knew how sensitive he really is.

I looked back to the window, and my heart stopped. Out in the trees, I saw the same shining light as before. I closed my eyes tightly with the irrational fear that Edward would see its reflection in them, that's how bright the light was. Either I was completely insane, or James was standing out in the forest behind Edward's house.

Would he be that crazy? There were seven vampires that live here and would love to tear him to pieces! It was amazing that none of them had smelled him yet. But of course, it was much more likely that I was nuts.

When I opened my eyes again I refused to look out the window. I had to talk to Edward so I could go to the gas station as soon as possible. Edward was watching me with contemplative eyes. I felt like he could see straight through me.

"I wish it had been me." Edward's voice was like the wind through the trees outside, a tiny whisper of noise. "I wish I had been the one to be with you first." Edward looked away, his head hanging in shame.

"I wish it had been you too." I moved so that I was sitting on my knees on the floor below him. I cupped my hands over his knees.

"I thought of you the entire time." A small lie never hurt anyone I rationalized in my head. The lie was leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't think I could keep going.

"If I hadn't been so scared of hurting you, I could have been your first. Not him." My eyes burned with tears. He was so good to me and I didn't deserve it,

"Bella don't cry! " Edward stood and punched a hand straight through the wall to bathroom next to his room. He spun to face me faster than lighting, making my head spin with the movement. " Here I am feeling sorry for myself because I had been too much of a coward to take you when I had the chance and you are suffering from something far worse."

I rose to my feet slowly, trying to make my movements very obvious. I put my hand on his chest and lifted my chin so our faces were only an inch apart.

"I love you Edward." I wasn't lying this time, no matter what. Even if I loved James too, it was the truth.

He leaned in the rest of the way so our lips could meet. Instantly his hands were in my hair, down my back, under my butt. He lifted me up and my legs wrapped around him as he carried me back to the couch. We were kissing each other between gasps, letting the pain of everything we had been through direct our movements. Tears were still pouring down my cheeks, and when Edward tasted them he moaned in pleasure.

"You taste so good Bella." I took that as a complement even if it meant he wanted to have me for dinner.

We collapsed on the couch, Edward supporting himself above me. After his kisses had left their mark across my neck he sat up and pulled his shirt open, sending buttons flying across the room. I arched my back and pulled my shirt up over my head.

"Are you sure you want this?" He hesitated after he had pulled his pants off. It was so like him to be concerned with my emotions before his own desires.

"Yes, this is exactly what I want." At that moment it was, all I wanted was to feel Edward against me. I wanted to feel every inch of his body moving with mine. We were both naked now, parts of our bodies that had never touched before were finding each other.

A part of my mind I had never noticed before was opening. Maybe it hadn't existed until now I thought absently. Either way, it was spreading, taking over my body. My hands moved on their own and my eyes glazed over, the air around me was shimmering and blurring.

Memories of James were flooding my mind. I could feel his cool hands on my body. I wanted him inside me; I wanted to hear my name on his lips. Edward's face had faded away, and in its place was James' playful smile. He let himself into me and was moving carefully, it was nothing like the first time.

James cupped one hand behind my neck and the other pulled my hips up to his, moving us both slowly. I pushed into him, spreading my legs as far as I could, I wanted to feel every bit of him as he grinded his hips into me. My heart was racing now, like it had been replaced with a humming bird, its wings beating furiously against my breastbone.

"I love you too Bella." He was doing that funny thing with his voice again, talking without moving his mouth. I turned my head so that I could kiss the palm of his hand, he slipped his finger into my mouth and I bit down softly. He moaned deeply, but not angrily like he had that night in the empty model home. My mind was annoyingly pointing out the differences between the first time and this. His hands were moving delicately down my body as he bent over to kiss me. James' voice was in my head now, over powering my own thoughts.

_"There will never be anyone but me Bella. We are connected now."_ A slight pain was sparking in my temples.

_"You can't get away from this, we are meant to be together."_ The pain was stabbing the back of my eyes. I let out a little yelp of pain. When I opened my eyes I could see Edward, he looked distorted, like I was looking at him through frosted glass.

I shut my eyes, trying to control the pounding in my head. James' voice was so loud it was vibrating everything in my skull. _"Your mine.." _It felt like someone had hit me in the head with a brick. I screamed against the throbbing pain and clung to the body on top of me. But it wasn't James in the room with me, it was Edward, my brain was slowly putting the pieces of reality back together.

Edward was yelling too, but in pleasure. His eyes were closed tightly and he had his arms wrapped around me, holding us together. He relaxed and settled down on top of me, the noise and stabbing feeling were fading quickly from my mind. Edward had his face pressed against my neck, his cool breath sending shivers across my body. The memory of James' voice was echoing in my thoughts, I had to struggle to keep my attention on Edward. He was talking quietly against my neck.

"I don't know what I had been so scared of." His hand traced little circles over my naked body.

I didn't want to tell him that I could feel sore bruises rising across my body. It didn't matter to me anyway. What did matter was the fissure that had erupted across my brain, dividing my world in two. On one half there was Edward, and the other James.

"Edward, there is something I need to do and I want to go alone." He sat up and looked at me questioningly.

"What is it?" I knew this wouldn't be easy. I chose my words carefully.

"I can't tell you yet. But after I have figured something out, then we can talk about it. I'll take Alice with me so you don't have to worry." Better to make him feel like I hadn't planned this already I thought. His eyes were worried, but his mouth was set in a resigned frown.

"Alright then, I won't stop you." Edward was getting up, looking in his dresser for some clean clothes. This obviously wasn't how he had imagined the moments after our first time together. It wasn't what I had thought it would be either, but I needed answers. I pulled my clothes on as quickly as I could and gave Edward a kiss good-bye.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this." I put my hands on either side of his face, trying to force him into looking at me. "I'll be back soon."

I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could without tripping over my own feet. Alice was standing in the entryway waiting for me.


	8. Chapter 8

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Thank you so much for the reviews!! Yay!!! I love them. Oh, and Bella's brain didn't actually rip in half, it just meant that she was splitting in two between James and Edward. =)**_

**Chapter 8**

I had to run to keep up with Alice as we made our way to the garage. The rain was slowing and turning into mist. My eyes kept darting around me, looking for signs of the shining flash of gold I had seen from Edward's window. We got into the car at the same time, the doors slammed with finality, this was it, I would finally find out what was going on. Alice looked at me as she started her car.

"Bella, whatever you are thinking, it's not a good idea." My lips parted but no words came, how did she know?

"What are you talking about?" If she saw something, I wanted to know. We were already on the highway, speeding towards the burnt down gas station where James had died. At least I thought he had died.

"Bella, I am seeing impossible things. It can't be right.." She watched the road ahead of us, not really seeing it. Her eyes had the glassy look that meant she was remembering a vision.

"Alice, is he dead?" Everything in me was screaming against the possibility. If she said yes I didn't think I could stand it.

"I don't know anymore." Alice shook her head and closed her eyes. "It can't be possible though! I saw Edward kill him!"

She edged the speedometer closer to a hundred, ignoring the speed limit signs we passed. I sat back in my seat and looked out the window. So it could be true, I thought with a mixture of feelings. I didn't know how to react. Part of me was soaring with delight. The idea of touching James made me want to float off into the sky. The other part of me was fighting against it, kicking and screaming. I had Edward, how could I ask for anymore?

"I saw Edward do it." Alice was talking to the dashboard; her eyes were wild with confusion.

"You saw it in a vision?" I asked. Of course she had, Edward, James and I had been the only three people there.

"Yes, well.. sort of. I saw bits and pieces of things. Some of them were hard to understand." She looked at me sharply.

"Bella, what happened while you were with James?" She was beginning to understand my need to find out if was actually James' dead. I wasn't scared that he had survived and was coming to kill me for a third time like she thought. I had to make sure he was dead because part of me was in love with him.

"Alice, he wasn't evil the way everyone thought he was." I was hesitant to tell her how I felt. I wasn't sure how she was going to react to my confession.

"He had been hurt so badly Alice, his heart was broken and he didn't know what to do. He embraced the killer in himself so he could fight off the guilt that he carried with him." She looked skeptical but waited for me to continue.

I told her the story of James being turned and how he had unwittingly killed the girl he loved. How the blood lust had consumed him and he turned on her. I told her how James had gone into a trance when he raped me that he hadn't really meant to hurt me. Alice just shook her head.

"That doesn't excuse what he did to you Bella." I looked out the window and sighed in frustration. How could I explain to her that I wasn't angry about what had happened anymore?

"But, it does make sense sort of." I looked back at Alice, she was leaning her head to the side thoughtfully.

"Remember what he told you in the ballet studio? About coming after me when the vampire who worked in the hospital tried to save me?" I listened to her, slowly putting together what she was getting at.

"He went after girls who had vampire's that loved them. James wanted to make those other vampires suffer the way he was." Alice was speaking softly, like she was reading a story to a child. It did make sense, in a very twisted way I thought.

We were pulling up to the charred remains of the old gas station now. It was nothing but a pile of ash and debris, parts of the walls still stood, but they looked like they might fall in a mild wind. The smell of smoke was still in the air, making my throat feel dry and scratchy.

We stepped out of the car and walked up to the caution tape that surrounded the scene. I scanned the area looking for something, I wasn't even sure what it was. My eyes rested on the truck in the back of the parking lot, it had a dent that would fit James' back perfectly.

"What do I look for?" I asked Alice as evenly as I could. I needed this to be over. Either James had survived or not.

"If he burnt up in the fire, there would be ashes. But it's been so long Bella." Alice ducked under the tape and stepped gently onto the charred foundation. "There probably isn't anything left."

She walked gracefully through the crime scene, stopping in the spot where the counter had been. Alice kneeled down and sniffed lightly. Her brows furrowed and she leaned in closer, using her tiny fingers to balance herself just inches from the floor.

"What is it?" I couldn't stand the suspense. My body was twitching with anticipation.

"I smell.. a hint.. here and there.. " She moved to the left and smelled again. " I can smell the human. But.." She was walking back in my direction now, but she passed me quickly, staring out into the trees.

"There isn't enough of James to say one way or another." Alice's shoulder dropped and she turned back to me.

"What does that mean Alice??" I was two seconds away from ringing her neck.

"When vampires burn they leave a certain smell. A very strong smell, its sweet, almost sickeningly so." I sniffed the air myself. All I could smell was the smoke and burnt wood.

"I don't smell enough of it here. If James had completely burnt then it would still be in the area, even if his ashes weren't" Alice was tense now, scanning the tall trees that surrounded us.

"Bella, we should go." I had never heard Alice sound scared before. It made my body feel icy. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, making my body jittery.

"Can you take me home now Alice?" She nodded slowly, her eyes down cast.

"If that's what you want." She walked back to the car, leaving me to look at the hollowed out building one last time. If James were out there, he would find me.


	9. Chapter 9

_**This is not some twisted version of Stephenie Meyer, she owns Twilight and I am just using her characters for my own enjoyment. (and hopefully yours too.)**_

**Chapter 9**

Alice didn't say much on our way back to Forks, and neither did I. My mind was banging against itself like a wind chime. The noise inside my head was deafening. What was I going to tell Edward? Was James actually alive? What do I do now, who do I pick?

There were so many questions that I couldn't answer for myself. It was too much for me to think about so I just let go. I took a deep breath in and when I exhaled I let every rational thought out with it. For now, I was just following my instincts, and they told me to go home. I begged Alice not to tell Edward anything, physically or mentally, but I knew it was only a matter of time until Edward broke through her barriers.

"Alice please, I just need some time to think. I have to sort some stuff out." We were sitting in the driveway in front of my house. It seemed like weeks had passed since I left this morning to take Rene to the airport.

"Just, be careful Bella." Alice sighed and put the car in reverse.

"I'll drive in a few circles before going home. But after that you're on your own with Edward." Thank God for Alice I thought. I leaned over and gave her a hug.

"Thank you." I couldn't meet her eyes. I wanted to ask her what she saw coming, but she didn't seem pleased with it and I didn't want to start an argument. There was no way she could stop me anyway. She put a small hand on my arm and stopped me as I was getting out.

"Bella, just think about whatever it is you are going to do first. I know you love Edward." Her voice was pleading with me. "You suffered through something awful, your mind might be reacting to it by making you feel things you normally wouldn't."

"I promise to think things through first." I told her. It was just another lie. I had stopped thinking about things as soon as we left the gas station. I gave her my best apologetic look and ran to the front door.

Charlie was sleeping through some after game special and sat up when I came through the door. I just waved and headed for the stairs.

"You ok Bells?" His voice followed me through the house.

"Yeah Dad, I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed, I already ate with Alice and Edward." Even if I weren't in a hurry, I couldn't stand Charlie's guilty face right now.

"Well, if you need anything.." His voice trailed off and I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I leaned back against the door to catch my breath. After a second I reached down to start the shower. The water coming out of the showerhead was freezing but I stripped and jumped in anyway. It was the quickest shower of my life. I was dried off and heading for my room in under five minutes.

The clock next to my bed said it was already eight-seventeen. Alice had to be headed home by now. I dressed in a blur of material, almost falling as I tugged on a pair of pants. I paused in the middle of my bedroom and held my breath. Was this really what I wanted? Alice had been right about everything, I wasn't acting normal, but I didn't _feel _normal either. How could I fight the voice in my head that was screaming to find James? It over powered everything else. I let the air out of my lungs and tip toed to the door.

I could hear the TV still on down stairs and Charlie snoring loudly. After I switched off the light in my room I crept to the end of the hallway. Usually my feet would betray me by tripping over an invisible bump on the floor or themselves, but tonight they were cooperating fully. Every part of my body wanted this to happen.

The stairs groaned and creaked as I made my way down, but Charlie didn't move an inch. I crouched low to the floor and waddled my way to the kitchen. It was dark and I had to feel my way around the table so I didn't knock over any chairs. When my hand closed around the doorknob I said a quick prayer. _Please let this be the right.._

I pulled the door open as quietly as possible and eased it closed behind me. The cold air was already finding its way into my jacket and making my wet hair feel like ice cicles on my back. There was no turning back now, I stepped off the porch, and a tiny feeling of trepidation wound its way up my torso. I love Edward, how could I do this to him?

The voice in my head pushed out Edwards face and I took off across the back yard towards the trees. When I came to the tree line I had to slow down, I could hardly see a thing. My hands were extended straight out, trying to buffer me from running into the large trees that stood in my way. I didn't need to walk for long though.

I felt him in my bones, a warm tingle that sent shockwaves through me. A cool arm wound around my waist and pulled me back into him.

"I've been watching you." I could hear the smile in his voice. My own mouth turned up in a half smile as I spun to face James.

"I know.. I saw you." I grinned up at him. He pulled me closer and put his face next to my neck. My heart flat lined for a second before starting up again. James just laughed, a low throaty sound and took a deep breath in.

"We don't have long." James pushed me up against a tree and kissed me roughly. He worked his tongue between my lips and moved it in ways that a different part of my body remembered. I felt the rush of heat between my legs, and a sore feeling that made me remember Edward.

"He will come looking for me." I started to panic. Edward would be furious when he found out.

"I know, but don't worry. I'm not stealing you away tonight." He ran his hand through my still damp hair. "But when I am stronger, I am going to take you away."

His eyes sparkled at me in the dark. No matter how hard I tried I could never feel like this with Edward. Electricity was arcing between us, his mouth found mine again and I was lost in him. James' hands found every place on my body that longed to be touched. I never wanted to be away from him again.

"What happened to you?" The question slipped out between kisses.

"You saw what happened Bella." He was still moving his mouth over every square inch of my exposed skin, tugging at the collar on my shirt for more.

"I saw you die James!" I put my hands on his chest to push him back a little, he responded as if I could actually move him by leaning back slightly.

"I was already dead Bella." He was joking with me again, his smile was dangerous. "What you saw was just a one sided fight."

"Edward.. ripped your head off and set you on fire! How could you survive that?" James' smile softened in the corners, he put his forehead against mine.

"Well, I have a theory about that, but I will have to explain it to you some other time." He sounded sad now, like he was saying goodbye. Our time was running out.

"This is all so messed up." I shook my head, I wasn't ready for him to go yet.

"If you want me to go, I will. I will leave you alone if that is what you really want." James shifted so that we could look each other in the eye. He was trying to sound like he was joking again, but his eyes were serious. If I wanted him to go we would. I put my arms around his neck and buried my face against him.

"I don't know what to want anymore." Everything about James felt so right to me, the way he held me, and how he was so willing to give me up to Edward. I knew he loved me.

"I saw you with him." Sadness crept into James voice, but it wasn't disapproving. He knew I was supposed to be Edward's. I didn't have a reply, what could I say to him?

"It's ok, in time.. you will see that it's not right. He is not who you're supposed to be with." He was pulling away from me, looking out into the forest. I had so many more questions. I wasn't done.

"No, don't go." Fear rang through me like an alarm. I was reaching for him through the darkness.

"Don't worry, I'll come back for you." Then he faded into the night. A chill ran through me, something was wrong.

A second later I felt a breeze at my back, I turned to look but I already knew what it was. Edward stood right in front of me. Rage was coming off of him like steam in the cool night air.


	10. Chapter 10

**_The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for the reviews!!  
_**

**Chapter 10**

Edward's face was wild with anger, I tried to step backwards away from him but a root caught my heel and sent me sprawling backwards. His ice-cold hand caught my arm before I could make contact with the muddy, moss covered ground.

"What the hell were you thinking Bella?" His eyes were darting from tree to tree, seeing things my mortal eyes were blind to,

"I-I.." My voice caught in my throat. He shook me violently and my head snapped back into the tree behind me. Bright lights exploded behind my eyelids.

"Edward! Stop it!" Blood had stopped flowing to my arm below his grip. Anger and fear were boiling just below my pain. I had never seen Edward like this before. He leaned in close to me.

"What are you doing out here?" He snarled through his teeth at me. My mind was trying to process everything at once. How come Edward couldn't smell James? What had Alice shown him? He began to drag me back through the forest towards my house. I dug my heels down into the ground but it was no use.

"What's wrong with you Bella? You can't just go wandering around in the forest!" Edward was yelling at me, his voice echoed through the trees. I was tired of Edward pushing me around.

"I can walk on my own, you don't need to drag me. And you're hurting me!" Edward dropped his hand from my arm instantly. His head dropped and he adopted a sad puppy dog look, his bronze hair fell into his face.

"I'm sorry Bella." I was expecting him to start kicking the grass and stick his hands in his pockets like a little boy who had been scolded. "It's just.. after Alice told me where you guys went and what she saw… I was so worried about you."

"Well you don't have to treat me like a child" I held my head up and puffed out my chest, trying to look more formidable then I was. Of course it was pointless, Edward was a frighteningly strong vampire, and I was a mere mortal.

"Can we just go back to your house and talk?" Edward held his hand out, waiting for me to take it this time.

Resignation propelled me forward and I slipped my hand into his. I knew he had just been worried about me. I wished again for a little independence from Edward. I wanted the freedom to roam where I wanted on my own without being tracked down by a vampire.

"Bella, love, you're not thinking clearly." Edward was trying to sooth me now, like I had just thrown a temper tantrum for not getting my way. I suppose that was exactly what I had done.

"Don't you remember what happened last time you were alone in the forest?" He was pulling me faster now. I kept tripping over the ground trying to keep up.

"He's not going to hurt me Edward." He stopped abruptly and I ran right into his back. I knew I had made a mistake.

"What did you say?" He had heard me perfectly clear, but he didn't want to accept it.

"I just, I don't think he would come back for me." I was back peddling, trying to cover my tracks. Edward hadn't smelled James out in the forest and I didn't want to tell him he was out there. James had said he was weak. He wouldn't be able to survive a fight this time for sure.

"What makes you think he is alive? Alice said she wasn't sure." Edward was watching the trees behind me now. His stance took on a predatory crouch.

"I just have a feeling Edward. Can't we please just move on? Let it go.." I was trying to keep moving now, we were only a few feet from the clearing behind my house. Desperation was making me reckless. I pushed myself into Edward's arms and kissed his neck.

"Maybe we can have a replay of this afternoon?" My voice wasn't as seductive as I had hoped for. It was high and bordering on panic.

Edward relaxed and put his arm around my waist. He looked deep into my eyes and then he kissed my forehead. In one quick movement he swept me up into his arms. I struggled to kept my irritation at once again being denied the right to use my own feet stuffed down in my chest, I wanted to get Edward out of the forest. I knew sooner or later he would realize that I hadn't answered his question as to why I was out there in the first place.

When we reached my house Edward opened the back door silently and carried me upstairs without waking Charlie. Once we were in my room everything stopped feeling real. Edward was like a stranger to me. It wasn't possible for a normal human girl like me to be torn between two vampires. This sort of thing didn't happen in real life. I put my head in my hands, trying to get a grip on my life.

"Bella, I don't think that you are thinking clearly.." Edward was massaging my shoulders, trying to coax me into relaxing.

"Maybe you should let Carlisle give you something to calm you down." He said it in a stern, fatherly voice. The other Bella in me was coming out now. She was upset with Edward for treating her like a baby.

"Like what?" I snapped. The idea of taking medicine because Edward didn't like my attitude was upsetting to me.

"Don't worry about it, just something to make you feel better." He was helping me out of my clothes and into a pair of pajamas. Edward moved my arms for me like I was a doll. I wanted to argue with him and tell him I felt fine, but exhaustion was hitting me hard.

"Now you need to sleep. There's only a few days left until school is out. You should finish out the year." I wanted to yell at him to get out of my house, he couldn't tell me what to do! My brain was too tired to fight back though. The sad truth was that Edward could make me do whatever he wanted. I was just a weak human.

We were lying on bed together, much closer then normal. Edward had decided not to take me up on my offer to go for round two, part of me was extremely thankful. I couldn't get myself to feel as close to Edward as usual. Something was getting in the way. No, not something, someone.

It took hours for me to fall asleep. Images of James kept swimming in and out of my consciousness, and Edward's tight hold on me made it hard for me to calm down. If only he would go away for a while I could think straight, but he didn't move an inch the entire night. Edward wasn't going to let me out of his sight ever again I thought as I finally drifted off into fitful nightmares.


	11. Chapter 11

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thanks for the reviews!! Keep them coming pplleeaassee! I am so glad to see there are people who love James like I do. At least in this story 3**_

**Chapter 11**

**Edward-**

Bella slept fitfully, tossing and turning all night. When she started to talk in her sleep the name on her lips sent daggers into my heart. If she had been crying, or angry when she said it I wouldn't have felt like I was being betrayed. But when Bella said James' name it was the soft whisper of a lover, the way she used to say my name. Every time that combination of syllables and vowels formed in her mouth I held her tighter, trying to bring her back to me.

It started the first night I brought her home, after the fight with James. She wasn't the same girl I had left standing in her front yard. It was in her eyes, something new was glowing behind the dark brown of her irises, and I hated it. There was nothing that could hurt me more than to lose her. I wanted to yell, scream out loud to the world that Bella was mine, but this was entirely my fault. I had no one to blame but myself.

If I hadn't tried to leave to find James he never would have taken her from me and even though I had her in my arms it felt like she was still with him. I knew that somewhere in her unconsciousness she was with James. Even this afternoon, our first time together, she hadn't really been there with me.

What I had seen in Alice's mind couldn't have been true I wished. There was no way James could have survived our fight. He had given up and I tore him to pieces then set him ablaze. The images of his body glowing with flames flashed in my mind. I hadn't stayed to watch him crumble to ash though, I had been too worried about Bella to stay and make sure James stayed in pieces.

I had to go back and see for myself. If James were alive then I would hunt him to the ends of the Earth so I could have my Bella back. What had he done to her? Why was she so different now, besides the obvious reasons? Bella's was not a normal reaction to being kidnapped, tortured and raped. This strange obsession with her capturer had to be a product of mental instability. Tomorrow I would figure out what she needed and have Carlisle write a prescription. Eventually things would be right I assure myself. They had to be..

The sky outside was changing colors. The scattered clouds were glowing in the early morning sunlight. When I saw the rays of light my heart dropped, I wanted to stay with Bella at school to keep an eye on her but that would be impossible on a sunny day. Hopefully going back to her normal routine would help Bella. I waited another half hour before I gently shook Bella awake.

"Bella love, you need to wake up." Her eyes opened slowly and for a second I could see my old Bella looking up at me. Her hair was knotted into a mess on the back of her head, but she was so beautiful in that moment.

She smiled and put her arms around me. Then slowly reality worked its way into her brain. Her hold on me loosened and she sat up.

"Edward, I don't think I can handle school yet." Bella was looking out the window with a strange expression, like she was waiting for someone to appear.

"Please Bella, just amuse me. I think it will help if you do something normal." I walked over to the closet to pick out something for her to wear.

"Normal.." I could hear Bella muttering under her breath. I put the pants and sweater on the bed next to her, but she just stood up and picked out something else from a dresser drawer. She was so different, the old Bella wouldn't have thought twice about wearing something I had chosen.

"I can't come with you though." I thought I should break it to her sooner rather than later. She didn't whine about not wanting to go without me like usual.

"Alright then." Was all she said. Rejection stung me as I waited for her finish getting ready then followed her down stairs.

We went into the kitchen where I would make her breakfast on a regular day, but I had the feeling Bella didn't want anymore help from me. Taking care of Bella was something I enjoyed. It was all I wanted to do. Now she was acting like I was an annoying mother hen. I watched her eat a bowl of cereal thinking about how much I wanted to just go back upstairs and hold her again. She stood to rinse out her bowl then picked up her truck keys from the counter.

"I'll drive you." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. She eyed me suspiciously.

"It's sunny out Edward, you can't" She was right, I had to stay out of sight for the day. I cursed the sun and its power to make me light up like a piece of glitter.

"All right then, I'll be waiting for you when you get home." She kissed me lightly on the cheek and left me standing in the empty house.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I had to figure out what was going on, I couldn't live like this. A strange idea popped in my head _"I could just take her away.." _the idea was appealing, but not logical. I couldn't bring that kind of attention to my family, and Bella's parents wouldn't be likely to just forget about their daughter.

At least I had time to go check out the gas station I thought, trying to find some sort of good in the day. I was out of the house and in my car in less than a second. First I was going to follow Bella to school, that girl couldn't make it down the street without having her life threatened. I hung back far enough that Bella wouldn't be able to make out my car in her mirrors.

She drove slowly, but went straight to school. I watched as she got out of her truck and walked up the steps to the school. Relief flooded through me, what kind of trouble could she get into at school?

I spun the steering wheel around and speed home, I wanted to talk to Carlisle before I left. I ran through a list of sedatives in my mind. Bella needed something to calm her down, but not strong enough to knock her out.

My thoughts took me back to the scene in the forest last night. What had she been doing out there? Her behavior was erratic, she wasn't thinking clearly. Taking medication was the best option. I pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the house. As I ran up the steps Alice opened the door.

"You can't do this to her." She gave me a hard look, unhappy with my current course of action.

"Bella just needs something to help her stay in control. I found her wandering in the forest last night Alice!" I was pushing my way past her into the house. This didn't concern Alice anyway.

"Maybe she just needs some time Edward!" She was running up the stairs behind me. I spun around quickly, stopping her from going in further.

"This isn't your problem!" My voiced roared through the house. Jasper appeared on the landing behind me.

"Alice, can I talk to you?" I suddenly felt very calm; Jasper was working his magic on us. It calmed me down but didn't make me forget why I was there.

I turned and finished walking the rest of the way down the hall to Carlisle's study. I could hear him inside, papers rustled on his desk. I knocked then waited a moment for him to signal it was ok for me to come in.

"I need a prescription for Alprazolam." I skipped the hellos and went straight to my point. There was no reason to beat around the bush. I knew I was doing the right thing. Carlisle was glowing in the light from the window, but his face was troubled at my request.

"What do you need Xanax for?" Carlisle was leaning back in his chair, calmly waiting for my reason.

"It's for Bella, she needs some help… adjusting." Carlisle rubbed his chin then let his hand trail down his neck.

"I would really like to talk to Bella myself before giving her something." He wouldn't give in that easily, I had expected this.

"I am perfectly capable of forming a diagnosis." I folded my arms across my chest.

"You don't think you might have a biased opinion?" Carlisle was still challenging me, but he reached for his prescription pad.

"I have thought about this, she needs something. Just for a little while." He handed me the small square of paper.

"Thanks." It felt rude to just leave, but I wanted to make it out to the gas station and back before Bella got out of school.

"Be careful Edward." Carlisle called after me as I went for the door. I didn't stay to ask what he meant.


	12. Chapter 12

**_The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Warning- Lemon.._**

**_Review Review Review! Thanks =)_**

**Chapter 12**

**Bella-**

I scrambled up the stairs to school as quickly as possible, I had purposely driven extra slow to school and now I was regretting it. If I didn't hurry I was going to be late to my first class. Not like it really mattered, I had already missed almost three weeks of school and there were only four days left. More than likely I was going to have to take summer school for at least one of my classes I thought dejectedly.

The corridors were almost empty now. Most of the other students were already in class. As I rounded the corner to my classroom a flash of gold caught my eye. Out on the very edge of the sports field was James, standing in the full sun. My heart dropped into my stomach. What was he thinking?

I tossed my folder to the ground outside my classroom door and took off in a full sprint to the baseball field. It was the furthest I had ever run in my life, at least it was the farthest I had gotten without eating it. When I reached James I collapsed into his arms, panting wildly. My words came in small gasps between each ragged breath I took in.

"You have to get out of the sun James!" I was tugging at his hand, trying to pull him towards the dugout. He just tossed his head back and laughed.

"Not much of an athlete are you?" He was letting me move him out of the sun now, but still chuckling at my obvious lack of physical stamina.

Once we were in the safety of darkness I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him as hard as I could.

"It's nice to see you too Bella." James pushed my hair back from my face. His own blonde locks falling in a mess of gold around his shoulders. I let my fingers twirl around in it, noticing again how soft his hair was. Everything about him seemed new and clean. When I took another moment to really look at him, I noticed why.

"Where did you get these clothes?" The t-shirt and jeans he was wearing weren't stained or damaged like the old ones I was used to. These were completely in tact and in fashion, I thought amazed. James looked like he could fit in right along with the kids here at school.

"I needed some new clothes, mine were uh, burnt." His eyes sparkled at my delight in his new clothes. There was something else different.. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.

"Your eyes!" They were a soft brown color, just a hint of red glowed around his pupils. They were on their way to becoming bright gold.

"You've been drinking animal blood?" James made a disgusted face then smiled again.

"After what happened I wasn't strong enough to leave the forest and find a human to feed off of, but I came across a doe and her baby. It was enough to give me strength." I stared in horror, that poor baby deer. I guess it was better than a person though.

"It wasn't as good as human blood." He laughed dangerously in a way that made me want to cover my neck. "But it wasn't horrible either. I've been drinking off of animals ever since." He looked so proud of himself. I couldn't help but kiss him again.

"James, how did you survive? How is it possible that you are here right now?" He looked down and the floor shyly, another shock. I had never seen James look unsure about anything.

"Well, a vampires body will work to put itself back together, even if the head is detached." The memory of Edward holding James' head in his hands made me sick.

"Once my body had put itself right, I was already on fire." He snuck a glance at me then dropped his eyes again. "I was going to give up and just let myself burn, but I kept seeing your face. Something inside of me felt like you had forgiven me, and I couldn't stand to think that was the end of it. I haven't loved anyone since.. well.. for a long time. You are my second chance Bella. And I am going to fight for you."

I couldn't speak, the thought of James lying on the ground in flames considering dying or being with me was horrible. It must have been agony. James took my silence as sign to continue.

"So I crawled my way out of the flames and into the forest before anyone could arrive. My love for you Bella.. that's what saved me." His dark eyes found mine and I figured out why he had been scared to tell me. Not because of his bodies weird ability to pull itself together, but because he loved me.

"I love you too." I put my arms around him again and he leaned over to put his head on my shoulder. It felt to good to be the one doing the comforting, the past few weeks were beginning to make me feel like I was insane and everyone was always having to take care of me.

"So what now?" I asked. I would have been happy to stay with him like that forever, but reality was poking at the edge of my mind.

"I'm still very weak, it's going to be a few months before I am back to me regular self." He sat up and leaned against the concrete wall behind us.

"How come Edward can't smell you?" I thought of last night in the forest when Edward had found me, he hadn't known James was there too.

"That's a good question. The only thing I can figure is that the fire or me being so weak has affected my scent somehow." He was twisting his fingers into mine, studying the way our hands looked together.

"When Edward finally figures out that you're not gone, he will look for you." Sadness made my voice quiver.

"Don't you worry about me, I have a plan." He had the cocky smile I loved so much again.

While I was with him it was almost impossible for me to worry, I was so happy. We spent all day in the dugout, just talking and kissing. I felt so confident with James, such a sharp contrast from the way Edward made me feel. It was nice to not second-guess myself every second. I was even bold enough to settle myself onto his lap for a closer kiss.

When I pulled away from the kiss to catch my breath, James had a dangerous smile. I knew what he was thinking and pulled myself away from him. I giggled as I ran for the end of the tiny area. Behind me James crouched low then launched him self at me.

I couldn't stop giggling as he spun us towards the bench and cushioned the blow for me. He rolled so that now he was lying on top of me, kissing my neck and wiggling his fingers into my sides. I was laughing loudly and yelling for him to stop, he just silenced me with a kiss.

His hands stopped their assault on my sides and moved down to my waist to unbutton my pants. James worked them down off my hips and slipped his cool hand into my underwear, working his fingers inside of me. I arched my back and pushed into him. Everything felt so right while I was with him. I never had the guilt of doing something wrong like I did when I was with Edward.

My own hands were trying to shove James jeans down but he sat up against the back wall and did it himself, much faster then I would have been able to. He lifted me up so I was straddling him and hiked my pants down just far enough so he could pull my underwear to the side and put himself inside me.

I moaned and leaned back, letting him support my weight. He was doing all the work, lifting my body in rhythm to his own. James pulled me back to him and slid his hands up my shirt. My bra strained against my shoulders as he pulled it down, letting my nipples free of the material. He lifted my shirt and was sucking roughly on me, every light flick of his tongue against my sensitive skin brought me closer to release.

James began to pound into me faster and harder, my body bounced violently against him. The line between pain and pleasure was blurring, but it just made everything that much better. He clawed his fingers into my back and with one last deep thrust we both let our bodies come together. I let myself go limp, resting my head on his shoulder.

I had lost track of time, but the sun was slowly losing its fight with the clouds. The grass was no longer a sparkling emerald color it had been in the light, but a muted dark green. Everything around us was turning grey and dreary.

"I think I'd better go now." James had been tracing the shape of my face, he told me he wanted to remember every detail so he wouldn't be so lonely while we were apart.. The way he said lonely broke my heart.

"Do you have to?" I pouted, not ready to tear myself away from him yet.

"Yes, but in a few weeks, everything will be different." He kissed my lips softly and lifted me off of him. We dressed quickly and he wrapped me in a tight embrace.

I didn't want to let him go, but I knew he was right. He gave me one final kiss and was out of the dugout and into the trees in seconds.

I leaned my back against the cool concrete and closed my eyes. My world was a beautiful mess. Between James and Edward how was a girl supposed to stay sane? Edward was so sweet and protective I reasoned, but another part of me whispered the word controlling. I frowned and thought of James. When I was with him I felt like the girl I was supposed to be. Happy and sure of myself, but sometimes he still scared me a little. I couldn't wait to see James again, but who knew when that would be.

Time to go I thought sadly, school must be over by now. I opened my eyes and screamed so loud my voice cut out half way through the scream.


	13. Chapter 13

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you everyone for reading and for the reviews! I promise they do make a difference in what I write. =) **_

**Chapter 13**

I jumped up in panic and fell over the bench James and I just been on. Edward leaned over and helped me back to a standing position. I was shaking everywhere, my stomach twisted painfully. Edward's face wasn't the accusing glare I had expected, instead a concerned frown painted his features.

"What are you doing out her Bella?" He had my folder in his hand, the one I threw down before running to move James out of the sun.

"I was just.." My brain was still trying to reboot after the scare Edward had given me. Thoughts weren't forming quickly enough. "I needed some time alone."

"Did you go to any of your classes?" He sounded more like a father than a boy friend again. I clenched my teeth together, trying to keep my attitude from saying something I would regret.

"I told you I didn't want to go Edward." Truthfully, I was glad Edward had forced me into coming today, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to see James.

"Common, let's go home." He was still handling me like I was a patient in a mental hospital. The tone of his voice was gentle, humoring me as if I had just asked to talk to the President.

I took his hand and allowed him to propel me toward the parking lot, but when we got there he lead me right past my truck to his car. When I told him I wanted to drive myself home he just chuckled and pushed me into his car.

"I'll come back for it later." He was already starting the car and backing out. All I could do was watch as we left my poor truck all alone in the parking lot.

"I have something for you." My interest peaked in spite of myself. I hated when Edward bought me things, I could never repay him with gifts of my own.

"What for?" This was no special occasion, there must be a catch I thought.

"Well, remember I told you this morning you should take something to help you stay calm?" My vision went red with anger.

"Edward Cullen, I am NOT taking medication. I'm fine!" I crossed my legs and leaned away from him. Why did I feel like such a crazy person when I was with Edward? He didn't listen to a word I said and just did whatever he wanted. It was like talking to myself.

"I really think it will make you feel better." He pulled a small orange bottle out of his pocket and tried to hand it to me. I wouldn't even look at it.

"I'm not taking whatever it is." I looked away trying to give the signal that our conversation was over. When I looked out the window I noticed that we weren't going to my house.

"I thought we could have some time to ourselves, we won't talk about anything you don't want to." Edward smiled his half smile that made my heart beat fast. Guilt twisted inside me. I wasn't being fair to Edward by staying with him. He had been trying so hard to get our relationship back to what it used to be, and I was sleeping with his enemy. I still loved Edward, I didn't want to hurt him, but that was too late.

We parked and went into the house through the back door. Alice and Jasper were sitting at the computer. I smiled and gave Alice a big hug, she was the best almost sister a girl could have. When she looked up at me her smile was strained and her eyes looked worried. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but Edward was pulling me away towards the stairs.

_"We'll talk later."_ She mouthed, Edward shot her a dirty look and pulled me harder.

I tried not to worry about it too much and concentrated on acting normal for Edward. His room was warm and there was already music playing. One of the thousands of cds he owned was spinning in the stereo. Edward pulled me over to the couch and we both plopped down, he pulled my legs up over his.

"Why didn't you go to class today Bella?" Edward was looking at me softly, trying to coax an explanation out of me.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that stuff." I forced a small smile. I wanted to avoid the topic of what I did earlier. Edward could read right through my lies. He considered forcing the subject for a second then changed his mind.

"Want something to drink?" He was already standing, heading for the door.

"Sure.." He was already gone before I could answer. I let my mind switch off for a second and listened to the stream of music that was flowing through the room. It was slow, and quiet. So soothing I actually relaxed.

Edward was back in record time, carrying a can of soda. I wanted to laugh, Edward looked like a real teenager for a second. His messy hair glinted in the light of his room, and his color was pinker than usual. He must have eaten recently, maybe today while I was at school… with James.

"Since when did you start keeping soda here?" I accepted the soda and took a long drink. I hadn't eaten all day I thought. My stomach growled in response to the realization.

"I should have brought some food too huh?" Edward hesitated before sitting down, ready to sprint back to the kitchen.

"I'll go!" I jumped up from the couch and nudged my way around him to the door. It would give me a second to talk to Alice. Edward didn't look sure, but he moved out of the way and let me go down stairs on my own.

Alice and Jasper were still at the computer when I came into the living room. Alice was watching me come towards her, she looked at the soda in my hand with disapproval.

"I know it's not blood, but it's not bad." I joked.

"Bella, he's going to find out." Alice blurted out. I glanced at Jasper who just nodded in agreement. She must have already told Jasper what was going on.

"I know, but..." I didn't want to talk about betraying Edward in front of Jasper. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just felt guilty. Alice stood to go to the kitchen with me.

"I am trying as hard as I can to block my visions from Edward, but its not always possible." She said as she rounded the counter to face me. Her face looked dark, almost tired.

"He already went out to the gas station Bella, he is not convinced that James is gone anymore." The room began to shrink when Alice told me Edward was beginning to figure things out.

"Alice, I don't know what to do.. I love them both." My voice faltered.

"Bella, I can't make the choice for you. I love you and Edward both." She leaned onto her elbows across from me.

"All I can do is try to stay out of it. For your sake and mine. I am trying to block out any visions I have of you." She sounded sad. I knew Alice didn't like to leave things to chance.

"Thank you Alice." I moved to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny body. I had been worried she would disapprove of my feelings for James.

"Just remember, James isn't the only one you need to be careful around." She hugged me back then ran out of the kitchen, leaving me shaken with her warning. I trusted both of my vampires without a second thought, was that wrong?

I took another long drink of my soda and found an apple to eat. I was only half way through the fruit when I began to feel tired. It was a funny, dizzy sort of tired. My mouth felt very dry and I finished the soda quickly before heading back to Edward's room.

He was reading something on the couch when I came in, but I was too out of it to focus on what it was. Edward didn't seem concerned about my sudden exhaustion so early in the day.

"I hope you don't mind, but I think I'm just going to take a nap." I mumbled as I made my way to the couch. Edward moved so that I could lie down then helped me so that my head was resting in his lap.

"Don't worry Bella, it will just take a few days for your body to adjust." He smiled down at me as my brain was sucked into the dark oblivion of sleep, a sleep without dreams, without moving. I felt dead to the world.


	14. Chapter 14

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**So yeah.. you guys rock! Thanks for the reviews again! I promise that I have unplugged the 360 and I will write faster now!! Cross my heart and hope to die =)**_

**Chapter 14-**

When I woke a few hours later it was dark outside. I felt disoriented from the time warp my brain had gone through, the way it always does when I fall asleep before the sun goes down. My brain was still fuzzy, I wanted to go back to sleep.

Edward was sitting on the floor next to the couch, his book open in his lap. He looked up at me and smiled.

"How do you feel?" He handed me a glass of water. Thank God I thought, my mouth was so dry my tongue felt like it had sand paper on it. I drank the entire glass before I could talk.

"I feel funny, maybe I am getting sick." My whole body felt heavy. I sat up slowly.

"What time is it?" A sudden flash of urgency sparked in me, Charlie would be worried.

"It's a little after mid-night. And don't worry, I had Alice call Charlie. She told him you were going to stay the night." Edward had taken care of everything, like always. Part of me remembered that I should be irritated by this, but I couldn't bring myself to care. At the moment I didn't care about anything.

"Why don't we move to the guest room next door, the bed in there is probably more comfortable to sleep in." Edward lifted me effortlessly and carried me to the guest room. I had never been in this room before. It was decorated simply but elegantly. Everything was in earth tones, the large bed stood out in the almost empty room

Edward helped me slip out of my jeans and under the beige sheets. I thought it was funny that there were so many beds in a house where no one slept. I giggled softly.

"What's so funny?" Edward gave me a playful nudge.

"The bed." I giggled again. It only bothered me slightly that I was acting so goofy. I yawned and stretched. I felt better than I had in weeks, I didn't worry about anything for the moment. My head buzzed with static, thoughts would start and then fizzle away.

"What's so funny about the bed?" Edward's voice was deep and sensual. He scooted closer to me. He sat up on an elbow and I could see he was shirtless.

"You're not wearing any clothes Edward." I felt compelled to point out the obvious. A cold sweat broke out between my shoulder blades. This was not something I had thought about. Edward was comfortable being physical with me now, but I was no longer comfortable with him.

"You shouldn't be either." He growled at me as he tugged at my shirt. Alarms went off in my body, but I couldn't stop what was happening. I felt like I was falling. James' name was repeating in my head. Was it possible to feel like you were cheating when you were with your boy friend?

"Is it ok if I take a shower real quick?" I was stalling, trying to think of an excuse to not be with Edward. He looked upset for a moment then smiled again.

"Of course. I'll come with you." Oh God, this was so bad I thought. I followed him into the bathroom and he started the water in the tub. I just stood there watching as Edward stripped off the rest of his clothes.

I wanted to run away and never look back. What could I do? I needed to stop this, but I didn't know how. Edward pulled my shirt up over my head and tugged my underwear off my hips. The fuzzy feeling in my head was keeping me from moving. It felt like I was standing in a fog.

Edward stepped into the tub and then helped me in too. I sat down between his legs and leaned back tensely.

"You don't have to be shy Bella." Edward whispered behind me, his hands were moving across my body, making me squirm with shame. James' hands had been in those same places the same day, but somehow it had felt so different.

The strange painful pulsing that had been in my head the last time Edward and I had made love was beginning to pound again. At first it was just a small stabbing sensation behind my eyes, but it was quickly growing into a loud scream. It vibrated off the walls of my head and I sat up quickly. I was massaging my temples and squeezing my eyes closed trying to block out the light.

"Are you ok?" Edward was rubbing my shoulders. The warm water from the tub was splashing against the sides in an annoying way. I just wanted everything to stop, all the noise and movement was just making things worse. Every part of my body screamed to get out. This was wrong. I had been wrong all along. It wasn't Edward I was meant to be with, it was James.

"Just relax." Edward moved out from behind me and helped me lay back. He put a washcloth over my eyes to help block everything out. I was dimly aware that Edward was gently washing my body, his hands felt cool even in the warm water. The pain in my head was making it impossible to respond.

Once he was done he lifted me out of the tub and wrapped me in a large soft towel. I was back on the bed before I knew what was happening. It was so comfortable in the bed, the sheets smelled fresh and the pillow was so soft. Edward slid in behind me and was humming to me quietly.

The pounding was subsiding now. I took a relieved breath in. Every time Edward got too close to me my brain went into a painful defense to block it out. How was I supposed to explain that to him? I wanted to tell him it was over, that he and I couldn't be together. The words weren't forming though. Thoughts were bouncing off each other in confusion. I had never broken up with someone before, and now I had to do it with the person I had thought was my soul mate at one time. Knowing Edward still loved me made it even worse.

While I was trying to figure things out Edward had unwrapped the towel from around me and was positioning him self between my legs. I let out a small cry and began to tell him to stop, but the pain erupted in my head like a bullet. I was barely able to focus when I looked into his golden eyes. My body contracted in agony from the searing flashes of pain pulsing in brain. I was barely aware of what Edward was doing anymore. It was slow and gentle like last time, Edward was so careful not to hurt me, if only he knew what was happening in my head. I couldn't feel bad for Edward though, all my guilt and shame was reserved for James. My true soul mate.

When it was over I felt so numb, even as Edward cradled me in his arms I couldn't stir any emotion inside myself. It was easier then the disaster of feelings that were fighting in my heart. I was going to have to do something soon. I couldn't keep playing both sides I thought. The static in my head was getting louder now and the over powering need for sleep was taking me away again. Edward's whisper's followed me into the darkness, his promises to love me and to make James leave me alone forever echoed into my dreams.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

_**Sorry, I know it's been a lot of Edward, but James is coming back soon. I promise =)**_

**Edward-**

Bella was breathing softly next to me, her hair spread out in tangles next to her face. She seemed so peaceful now. I knew the medication was exactly what she needed. Eventually she would realize that I was slipping it to her, Bella wasn't stupid. But by then she would see that it was making her better.

I got out of bed and pulled the covers up over her. She would be out for another couple of hours. While she slept I was going out to the forest to search for signs of James again. After my trip to the gas station I was positive he had survived. It seemed impossible, but the scent of a dead vampire wasn't in the air at the scene. If he had died I would still have been able to smell it.

He was out there now, controlling my Bella somehow. I would find him and kill him, once and for all. I thought of keeping his head this time, locking it in a box for eternity. I smiled at the thought. I could show it to Bella and make her see that he was nothing for her. I was stronger and I deserve her more. James had hurt her in ways I never would. A pang of guilt appeared in my gut, I was drugging her, but it was for her own good.

It didn't take me long to get down to the tree line and I ran a couple miles in. I stopped in a clearing and listened to the sounds of the night. There were animals moving in the forest like always, scurrying to find food or shelter. By nature I am a predator and they could sense me. I took a deep breath in and tried to pick up a scent. Something was different in the air. I just couldn't pick it out.

I took another breath and this time I found something I recognized. Alice was walking up behind me silently. I tuned to face my tiny sister and her anger showed on her face.

"How can you do this to her?" She didn't agree with my secretly drugging Bella.

"She deserves to know what you're doing." I know she loves Bella like a sister, but I know what is best for her.

"Alice, she couldn't even go to class today. I found her hiding in the dugout." It irritated me to explain my actions, but sooner or later I knew this would happen.

"I think she was looking for James out in the forest the other night." I yelled. I had come to the conclusion after I left the station earlier. It made sense now that I knew James was still alive.

"If she wants to see him then that's her decision Edward. You can't control her like this." Alice was tiny, but she wasn't scared of me. There was no reason for her to be right now, but if she tried to come between Bella and I then I would make sure she was out of Bella's life for good.

"That's ridiculous Alice. He tried to kill her twice. He tried to kill you!" She had no idea what she was saying. Bella had some strange version of Stockholm's syndrome. Being around James wouldn't help her at all. It would just make things worse.

"Don't you love her Edward?" Her voice dropped to a quiet sad note.

"Of course, how could you even question that?" Alice knew I would do anything for Bella, and anything to keep her.

"Then how can you do this to her? What if she were in love with someone else?" She asked. What Alice was implying was ludicrous. Bella and I were meant to be together, James was just a small glitch in our relationship. Once I got rid of him we would be happy again.

"Don't you think she deserves to be with the one she loves? Because you aren't treating her like you lover her right now, and I won't be able to take your side if you keep up with your actions." I could hear pity in Alice's voice now. I reached out my mind to hers to see what she was talking about and I hit a wall. Alice was blocking her thoughts from me. Anger flared inside of me. What didn't she want me to see?

"Eventually you'll drop your guard and I'll see what you're hiding." It wasn't a warning, it was a promise.

"This isn't my business Edward. I'm removing myself from it. It's up to Bella what she does now. I won't let myself have any visions of you or her anymore." Alice looked depressed, she was moving away from me now. The way she was talking made my heart freeze. Something had already happened with James and Bella.

I was alone again, and for the first time since meeting Bella, I actually felt alone. It was more then a physical pain, it cut into my heart. I wouldn't lose her, not to him. What if Alice was right? Maybe Bella was supposed to be with James. I pushed the thought out of my mind. I wouldn't let that happen.

The strange scent from earlier was stronger now, I crouched low and took in every movement that passed my vision. Something was out there, just beyond my eyesight. I ran in the direction I thought the smell was coming from and found nothing. I was sure someone or something was out here. It had to be him. Even though it wasn't his scent, I was positive.

"I am going to catch you, and then I will kill you." I yelled into the night air.

Everything went silent. I waited for a response.

"I was inside her, just a few minutes ago. I made her cry my name in pleasure." I smiled. I wanted him to know Bella was still mine, no matter what.

Behind me there was a movement, when I turned I saw a tiny flash of gold. I took off after James but he was just out of my reach at every turn. If I wanted to I could catch him, I was faster then any other vampire. I stopped chasing him. I wanted to talk to Bella first.

I wanted to know just how much had happened between them. That would help me decide how much pain to inflict on James. And how much to punish Bella I thought. For the first time I felt the prick of anger towards Bella. She was mine, and she had betrayed me. I had done too good of a job at making her feel safe around me. I would need to remind her that I was a dangerous creature, and that if she crossed me, things would not end well. If I couldn't have her, no one could.


	16. Chapter 16

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews!! Yeah for Team James! Join the dark side hehe**_

**Chapter 16**

**Bella-**

When I woke Edward was sitting in the chair next to the bed, he looked angrier then I could ever remember seeing him. I tried to keep my heartbeat steady and my breathing slow so he would think I was still sleeping, but it was a fruitless effort.

"Good morning Bella… my _love_." His words dripped with venom. I sat up and was startled by my own nakedness. Last night was a dim memory.

"'Morning." My reply was hesitant, I had no idea why Edward would be angry at me, unless…

"Would you like to go back to school today? Maybe spend some more time with James?" Edward was standing now, walking towards me. I wished desperately for my clothes. I would have to get out of bed and walk across the room in front of Edward to get them. I felt defenseless enough already. Exposing myself to Edward would only make it worse.

It made me think absently of the first time James had seen me naked. I wished for James now, harder then ever before. If only I had broke up with Edward as soon as I realized I had feelings for another man. Things wouldn't be so complicated.

"Edward, I-I.." He ripped the blankets off the bed and cool air surrounded my body. I tried in vain to cover myself with my arms, but Edward caught them and pinned them down at my sides.

"You are MINE Bella! You're not allowed to see James ever again. I forbid you." Anger rolled off Edward, his eyes were narrowed to dangerous slits.

Tears were spilling down my face now. The humility of what Edward was doing to me was breaking me apart. What little defiance I had left was building up as screams in my throat.

"You can't tell me what to do Edward. I don't belong to you!" I was struggling against his hold. I felt his hands relax slightly from the shock of my rage.

"I don't love you anymore!" The words exploded from me like fire. It wasn't until this moment that I knew the truth in them. Everything had happened for a reason, me coming to Forks, meeting Edward, it was all meant to be. But not for the reason's I used to believe. I wasn't meant for Edward, my true love was James.

I flew out of the bed and was pulling my clothes on. The room was spinning, the air was charged with electricity. If Edward had been more understanding, if he had loved me enough to give me up, I might have felt different. I might have wanted to save his feelings, but now all I wanted was to hurt him.

"James is who I am meant to be with. He's the one I love, you can't stop me from being with him." My words were daggers for me to throw at him.

Edward's face was unreadable, a mix of fury and pain. He stood motionless, not really seeing me leave. I was racing down the stairs now. I was barefoot and had no idea where I was going. I just knew that I had to get away from him.

Alice was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Jasper and Emmett were behind her.

"Bella, please wait!" I knew they had heard everything, but I couldn't stand to talk to them. I would have to say good-bye later. All the people who had come so close to being my family, now they would just be strangers to me. I would give all of them up for James I thought desperately. That was it, I would find James and we could leave tonight. I could explain to Charlie and Rene later.

"I'm sorry Alice, but I can't stay. This isn't right." I threw the apology at her quickly. Without a second glance I was out the back door and running for the trees. Desperation was making my feet pound harder against the wet ground. Edward would recover from his shock soon, and I had no idea how he would react.

I stumbled through the trees, slowing slightly to keep from falling on the moss covered roots that lined the forest floor. Suddenly I could hear breathing behind me and fear made my heart beat so fast I thought it would explode. I spun around but there was no one there. My eyes burned and swelled from the tears that were coming faster now, my vision was obscured and I staggered further into the trees.

I tried to scream James' name and a cool hand clamped down over my mouth. Horror gripped me as Edward slammed me up against a tree. The world flashed bright before fading into a painful red color. I dropped to the ground, shaking with sobs. There was no way I was going survive this. He lifted me up by my shoulders and shook me so that my head snapped back excruciatingly. My neck was fully exposed now, and Edward smiled at me.

"You've forgotten what I really am Bella." An evil smiled played across his lips, this was not the Edward I knew.

Just as his mouth was making contact with the delicate skin at the base of my throat something hard slammed against us. I felt my feet leave the ground. My body went airborne for a moment. When I made contact with the ground my arm twisted up beneath me at an agonizing angle. I grunted in pain and tried to sit up.

At first I thought that gravity had lost its hold on the Earth and that the trees were being sucked out of the ground. When my eyes were able to focus I could see Edward uprooting huge trees and hurling them at James. All James could do was try to dodge the attack.

They were darting back and forth through the forest and I ambled lamely towards them. I had to save James, even if it meant giving him up. He almost died for me once already; I couldn't let him get hurt again.

"Stop it!" My voice was weak and hoarse. I was behind Edward, I reached for his arm but he was faster than the anything I had ever seen.

Before I knew what was happening he had switched places with me, he now had my arms pinned to my back and his hand closed around my jaw tightly, holding my head up at a dangerous angle. One more inch and my bones would snap.

"Is this what you want then? I will take her life to keep her from you." Edward was snarling at James. Panic was creased along James light features. His now golden eyes were wide with alarm.

""No, don't!" He had his hands out in surrender. My heart broke into tiny pieces.

There was a crashing noise behind us and I could hear voices rising with distress. I could hear Alice yelling and a calm feeling was settling across the clearing. Reinforcements I thought dizzily. I stole a glance at James and could see him receding into the forest.

"I'll come for you Bella." He yelled before disappearing completely.

Edward roared in protest and loosened his hold on me. Small arms were wrapping around me and I saw Edward tumble to the floor with a bear of a man on top of him. Emmett had tackled Edward in an unbreakable hold.

The faces of Edward's family were all there, trying to get a hold of the situation. Alice was still supporting me. I buried my face against her hair and cried.

"It's ok now, it's going to be ok." Her little voice soothed me as hard sobs shook my body, the only sound in the forest were my cries now.


	17. Chapter 17

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer!**_

**Chapter 17**

**(September)**

**Bella-**

The summer had passed like a dream. Everything had been muted and slow for me. After the incident in the forest Edward had become increasingly violent and possessive. He avoided his family and when we did see them it was a tense situation. Jasper had tried to calm Edward down a few times, but once we were away from him Edward's anger would flare again. Alice had confronted Edward so many times about the way he was acting, but he would just blow up and get in a huge fight with her.

Alice tried to convince me to leave Edward, give him time to sort out his problems, but Edward had already threatened to hurt the people I love if I left. Now his family kept a safe distance from us, not wanting to cause another fight with Edward. They could have over powered him together and it would hurt them all to do it. I knew they were all hoping Edward would snap out of his anger filled trance.

Our relationship really wasn't any of their business anyway, except for Alice maybe, but even she was too scared to intervene anymore. Edward continued to force the sedatives on me. I no longer had the strength to fight him, I took them without a fuss and it just made things easier.

The medication made me numb, nothing mattered to me anymore. It was so much easier to just let Edward tell me what to do. Charlie had been concerned at my new robotic personality, but Edward told him Carlisle gave me something to help with my nerves. Charlie accepted that for the most part, he tried to ask me if I was ok a few times. I was too scared to tell him the truth. Edward was dangerous now. I couldn't involve Charlie in this.

Now school was only a day away and I was finally starting to wake up. Alice had gone to Carlisle and complained about how long Edward had been giving me the sedatives. Carlisle refused to write any more prescriptions for Edward, in fact, Carlisle hardly talked to Edward at all. I wanted to thank Alice, but I could never get close enough to her without Edward stopping our conversations.

Thanks to Alice though, Edward had been forced to wean me off of the meds before school started. It felt strange to think again. I hadn't forgotten about James, but it had been easier to not think about him while I was in my numb fog. I had seen glimpses of him every couple days, a splash of gold in the trees, the shining light off in the distance. I knew he was never far.

Edward had taken to hunting him while I slept. Every time I woke up my heart would weaken slightly with fear, I wouldn't know if Edward had found him. I begged Edward to forget about James, it had sent him into a rage. He told me it was his mission to kill James and nothing I said or felt would stop him.

Standing alone in my room now, being able to think somewhat clearly, everything seemed wrong. My world had been flipped on its side in only a few months. I didn't feel like I knew Edward anymore. When I looked at him it wasn't love that I felt anymore, it was fear. James, the man I knew I was truly supposed to be with had abandoned me. Left me to suffer with Edward. He told me he would come back for me, but how long could that be? When would his strength come back?

Edward was climbing through my window now. I wished the old myths about vampires not being able to enter without being invited were true for the millionth time. I knew he had been coming, he had only left me for a minute to go park his car, but it still made my stomach twist when I saw him.

"Why aren't you ready for bed?" The sweet concern that used to linger in his voice was long gone, replaced by bitterness.

"I was just, thinking…" I turned to the dresser to fish for some clothes to sleep in. Edward scowled at me from across the room.

"He's not out there, so don't get your hopes up." As always, Edward was accusing me of thinking about James. It would have been more annoying if he hadn't always been right.

I dressed as quickly as I could, trying to shield myself from Edward. The way he looked at me now, like a possession instead of a companion, made my skin crawl. It never mattered what I wanted anymore, if Edward wanted to have sex we had sex. The old fashioned gentleman had disappeared with the love I felt for Edward. Wherever we were, whatever we were doing, Edward felt no shame in touching me places that should have been inappropriate. Esme had told Edward as much once, but he just snapped at her that I belonged to him and he would do what he wanted.

After I eased into bed I prayed for James to come back to me, the same way I did every night. I was so thankful to be going back to school tomorrow. My teachers had been lenient on me last year and I ended up only needing to take one class in summer school. Those few hours away from Edward were the only release I had, the only time I felt in control of myself.

Edward snuggled close to me, kissing my neck lightly. It always felt more like he was rubbing his scent on me now, marking his territory. It made me sick. I quickly tried to calm my breathing. I wanted Edward to think I was already asleep. The idea of being with him tonight was too much for me. Now that the haze of drugs was lifting it was too difficult to let him inside me without crying.

I fell into a deep sleep, the sound of James's voice found me in my dreams. I replayed the day in the dugout over and over in the night, remembering the way he said he loved me. "Please save me." I would whisper to him, but I he was only a memory. He couldn't hear me beg for help.


	18. Chapter 18

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Chapter 18**

My eyes felt like they were crusted with dirt, and my body was stiff from lack of movement. The light filtering in the window was dark and grey. There was no sun like I had hoped. Edward was still lying next to me. He was perfectly still except for his eyes. They moved across the ceiling, watching dust motes fly through the air.

I sat up and stretched, my mind and body were still adjusting to not being pumped with sedatives. It felt strange to wake up and not want to go directly back to sleep. Part of me wouldn't have minded, but I really wanted to go to school. It was a safe haven, a place to get away from Edward's angry hell.

After I dressed and pulled on a jacket I looked over at Edward. He had started keeping extra clothes here so he wouldn't have to leave me to change. I watched the muscles in his back flex as he pulled a shirt over his head. There had been a time when the sight of his bare skin would have sent me into a lust filled daydream, now it made my sick to my stomach.

We didn't say a word to each other as we went down stairs and out to his car. There were no words left between us. Something in me knew that our relationship had nothing to do with love anymore, not even for Edward. It was more about pride for him. He didn't want to give up against James. Bitterness gathered in the back of my throat. I hated Edward for not letting me go.

I wasn't just excited to get a few minutes away from Edward at school. I wanted to see Alice, almost as much as I wanted to see James. I bit back the choking lump of tears in my throat, for all I knew Edward had already killed him. The ride to school was tense. I spent the whole trip staring out my window at the passing town. It was so foreign to me now; my world was a tightly controlled bubble where none of this existed.

As we parked I scanned the parking lot for Rosalie's BMW and noticed a new black car. It looked expensive but not rare, I had seen other cars like it before. Maybe one of the Cullen's got a new car I thought sadly. I wanted to be part of them again; I wanted to know what was going on in their family. That wouldn't be possible ever again, not even if I were able to leave Edward.

Students were hurrying up the steps, trying to keep from being late. Nostalgia gathered in my chest, this felt like my first day all over again. A few people waved hellos at Edward and I, but Edward's stoic face scared off most people like always. My first class was Spanish and Edward had math, thank God I thought to myself. He left me at the door and promised to meet me there after class. I found a spot next to Jessica and forced a smile.

"Bella! How are you?" She addressed me with the same amount of sympathy you would give someone who had lost a limb. I had forgotten that I had never actually made it back to class after my disappearance last year.

"I'm good, how are you? How was your summer?" I wanted to distract her from asking too many questions. I was too sensitive at the moment and one wrong word would send me into hysterical sobs.

"Oh it was great! Mike and I hung out almost every day! I bet you and Edward spent a lot of time together huh?" I faked another smile and turned to face the front of the classroom. The teacher was writing notes of the board, an easy distraction. Jessica started hissing whispers at me while we were supposed to be collecting books that were being passed down the isles.

"Did you hear about the new guy?" Her eyes were wide with excitement, nothing good ever happened in Fork's. A new student was big news.

"No, who is he?" I feigned interest so I didn't seem rude. I could really care less about the new guy. I had enough problems.

"I have no clue, no one does!" The teacher started to talk again and our conversation came to an end.

It felt good to sit in the classroom and act like everything was normal for once. I let my mind roam for a while and instantly thought of James. I wondered what he was doing at that moment, and what it would have been like for him while he was human. Had he gone to school? I never had the chance to ask him when he had been made a vampire, I never would I thought miserably. The bell rang and I reluctantly gathered my stuff.

I let everyone else leave before me, when I reached the threshold of the room Edward grabbed my arm roughly and began steering me through the crowd. His face was tense and remote. He scanned the faces we walked past with alarm. Something was wrong.

"Ouch! Edward, stop. What are you doing?" We weren't heading towards the science buildings like we were supposed to. Instead we were taking the long way back to the parking lot.

"SSshhh. Shut up Bella." Edward shook me by the arm and never even looked at my face when he spoke to me. As people passed I kept hearing snippets of conversation about the new guy.

"He's so hot… "

"Did you see his car?"

"Transferred in from another country or something."

Everyone was buzzing about the mystery student, but I was more worried about where Edward was taking me.

"My class is in the other direction Edward!" I yelled at him impatiently. We didn't have time for his little detour; I was going to be late for my next class.

"I said shut up! We're going home." Shock sent me into momentary silence. I sputtered and finally found my voice again.

"That's ridiculous. We can't leave now!" We rounded another corner and I could see Alice and Jasper standing together near the edge of the office. Rose and Emmett were walking up to them quickly, they all looked nervous. I thought they were worried about the way Edward was treating me in public. It wasn't good to draw attention to their family for any reason, and Edward certainly wasn't making a good impression now.

I looked at Alice pleadingly, wishing she would smack Edward and tell him to leave me alone. She just stared back uneasily, I could tell she wanted to come talk to me, but Jasper put a hand on her shoulder to hold her back.

"Did you catch his name?" Another group of people were walking past us talking about the new kid. How could they all be so oblivious to the scene Edward was making right now I thought angrily?

Then suddenly it all clicked into place. It was so very simple, warmth spread through my body like sunshine. I yanked my arm down as hard as I could, but it wasn't necessary. Edward had already let go and was stepping in front of me, trying to shield me from the inevitable.

James walked out from behind the building and smile ruefully at us, his golden presence lit up the entire area. Triumph was building in my body like pressure, snapping the changes Edward had used to hold me to him.

"Hello Bella, miss me?" James' lips lifted at the side into a confident smile. He had finally come back for me.

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	19. Chapter 19

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock!!**_

**Chapter 19**

Jasper and Emmett were moving closer now, I thought they were going after James at first, but they were only trying to prevent a fight.

"You look beautiful." James spoke to me like Edward wasn't standing between us. His voice was playful and dangerous. He winked at me over Edward's shoulder. Alice's eyes were wide and uncertain. She didn't know whose side to pick. I tried to scoot around Edward but he shifted with every move I made.

"Oh come on now Eddie. Don't you know when to give up?" James was moving forward now, his body moved fluidly around the small crowd in front of me. Edward tensed to attack and Emmett put a hand on his shoulder.

"Not here Edward." He whispered. James' smile widened as he finally made his way around Edward.

My heart was working over time now, between the elation I felt from seeing James and the fear for what Edward was going to do, I thought I would go into cardiac arrest right there.

James put his hand on my cheek and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I thought I could hear Edward's teeth grinding together, I expected to see smoke coming out of his ears any second. I hid my face in James chest and tried to not be scared of Edward. The bell for the next class was ringing and the halls were emptying, it was just our little group left now.

"Come on, I'll walk you to class." James was still ignoring everyone around us. I still couldn't believe he was standing in front of me. He held out his hand for me and waited until my brain started to work again. I placed my hand in his and we began to walk towards to the science building.

" It won't last. Eventually you have to go somewhere without witnesses, I will find you." Edward called after us. My blood ran cold and James just laughed.

"I look forward to it." He still hadn't taken his eyes off my face. I studied everything about him, his neatly combed hair was pulled back, his clothes were new, and his eyes were bright gold. I couldn't see any signs of weakness.

We were already at my classroom now and we lingered outside the door.

"Do you want me to meet you here?" He was so calm, it was like this was a normal day and we had been together forever. I smiled and nodded. My mouth still wasn't working yet.

"See you in a little bit." He backed away from me, never losing his smirk.

When I opened the door everyone looked up at me, without James standing next to me anxiety flooded my body. Edward was incredibly strong. He could over power ever person in the class if he wanted to. I wondered if I would ever feel safe again.

I found a seat in the back and stared forward in a daze. This was the same classroom where Edward and I had met. A spark of pain lit in my heart, the memories of how much I had thought I loved him were floating in my mind. When I thought of how we had been in the beginning it didn't seem real, it was more like remembering a movie than my own life.

None of that mattered anymore. I had James back. My memory flickered back to the ballet studio, how I had been so scared of James. If only I had known then, I could have saved everyone the heartache we were going through now. I knew the Cullen's felt like they had lost Edward. All I could do was hope he would return to them some day and be able to move on from this, without killing James first.

The bell rang and I leapt from me seat, when I reached the door I could see James waiting. He was leaning casually against the wall next to the classroom. Girls were giggling and they passed him and he smiled, clearly enjoying being the center of attention. I walked up and punched him in the arm.

"Don't get too comfortable with the that." I said pointing at the girls still glancing back at him. I laughed as he scooped me up into a passionate kiss.

"You're the only one I want looking at me anyway." He stared at me with wonder. Was this really happening? I could read the question in his eyes. I kissed him back and he let me down gently.

I could see people staring at us wildly, not only was there a new boy, but he was kissing Bella Swan. The rumors were going to fly like crazy I thought. The next class I had been with James. My day was getting better every second.

My eyes kept nervously looking for Edward's angry face, the fear I had was still curled up in my stomach. I wasn't sure if it would ever go away. James kept a firm hold on my hand, but instead of feeling like he was leading me like Edward, I felt like he was just hanging on. The coolness of his hand was reassuring me that life was about to stop being so hard. As long as we were together I would be all right.

Math passed too quickly, James and I spent the entire hour staring at each other and laughing. His soulful eyes would find mine every time I looked at him and the happiness would bubble up in me and turn into fits of giggles. I couldn't even feel embarrassed for how giddy I was acting. Almost every girl in the class was giving me the same look. It said, _"She already has Edward Cullen… why does she get that guy too?"_ They were right I thought - I didn't deserve to be happy.

I thought of how much I had hurt Edward, I had ruined him, and the pain had changed him completely. I couldn't live with myself if that ever happened to James. It was too late though I thought, I had already changed him but instead of turning him into a psychopath he had become the amazing creature sitting next to me. His hand found mine under the desk and I knew in my heart, there would never be another man for me. This was right.

I wanted to stay there next to James for the rest of the day. Unfortunately I had to go to my next class without him. I spent the next period counting the seconds to lunch and trying to avoid the questioning looks everyone was giving me. When I thought about going into the cafeteria with James it made me feel jittery, like I had just finished running a marathon. When we met after class all the stress evaporated with his smile. I loved the way his eyes crinkled in the corners when he smirked that way.

"How about we find some place private for a while?" His eyes narrowed playfully and he tugged me towards the sports fields. I was relieved to avoid everyone's watchful eyes.

I followed without a second thought. There were a few groups of kids out on the bleachers, but no one would be close enough to hear us in the dugout, it had somehow become "our" place I thought with a smile. We found the same place on the bench that we had occupied to many months ago and sat in silence for a second.

"You're crazy you know that? I can't believe you enrolled in school" I shook my head and smiled, James was always surprising me.

"I figured if all of them could do it then so could I." He nodded towards the school referencing the Cullen's ability to live among the humans.

"But how?" I pressed my lips together in worry. Fork's was a small town, someone would notice if there were a new kid in school but no new family.

"I have some contacts, I got a place out in the forest to stay." James smiled proudly. He wasn't worried about anyone investigating him. "It's just for one year anyway."

I sighed and leaned against him, it all seemed so perfect. Too perfect I thought sadly.

"He's not going to give up." I whispered. James put his arm around me, squeezing me softly.

"Good." He said bitterly. "I have a few plans for him myself. I know what he's been doing to you." I could hear anger in his voice, barely controlled in the quiet words.

Embarrassment made my cheeks grow hot. How much did he know I wondered? I shifted uncomfortably next to him.

" I'm sorry I didn't come sooner Bella. I had to make sure I was strong enough to fight him off." James looked at my face, regret showing in his eyes. " You shouldn't have had to suffer like that."

Memories of what Edward had done to me in the past few months brought tears to my eyes. The way he used my body and humiliated me as punishment for loving James would be a stain on my past. Edward had done things I never believed him capable of. I pushed my face against James' neck.

"James, I'm scared." It was the truth. I didn't believe things were ok yet.

"Bella, there is something I want to ask you." He looked at my neck in a strange way but kept talking.

"There is only one way I can think of to really protect you." He sounded unsure but I never got to hear the rest of his plan.

Alice was stepping in to dugout delicately, she eyed James warily but came right up to where we were sitting and leaned against the chain linked fence opposite us. Jasper was waiting at the entrance.

"How are you Bella?" Alice looked like she wanted to hug me, but James still had his arms around my waist. I couldn't contain myself and jumped up to wrap my arms around her tiny frame.

"Oh Alice! I missed you so much!" I squeezed as hard as I could, knowing I couldn't hurt her. She hugged back and we both collapsed onto the bench laughing. James smiled nervously and made sure to give us plenty of room.

Alice looked over at him and smiled her best "don't worry" smile. Then to mine and James surprise, she reached out a small hand to him.

"Maybe we can start over. I'm Alice." She said confidently. James looked at Jasper before taking her hand lightly.

"You know, I am really... really sorry about um. The whole trying to kill you and Bella thing." James bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. I suppressed a chuckle; he looked so cute when he was nervous.

"We all make mistakes" Alice said wistfully.

Jasper sat down at Alice's feet, his acceptance reassured me that everything between James and I was right. Jasper wouldn't let Alice near us if he sensed anything wrong and for some reason I was positive he wasn't the one giving us all the feeling of camaraderie.

"So, Rose and Emmett aren't ok with this I take it?" I looked at Alice sideways and my heart dropped a notch.

"Well…" She looked down at Jasper. " You know Rose, she is bitter anyway. And Emmett just misses the old Edward." I could hear the misery in her plainly. She missed him too.

"I'm sorry Alice, it's all my fault." She waved me off and shook her head.

"Bella, you can't control who you love, but Edward could certainly control how he reacted to it. Sort of..." Jasper interrupted her.

" It hit him very hard to lose you, it made him into someone else. We can't control him at all." It was disturbing the way the words sounded in Jasper's calm voice.

A bell rang off in the distance and I knew I had to go back to the real world. We all stood and began walking to class. I thought things couldn't get any better now that I knew Alice accepted my choice. She understood that with love there were no choices. Your heart did as it pleased.

When I got to my next class all the good feelings from lunch disappeared and I saw just how bad things could get.


	20. Chapter 20

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Sorry, short chapter.**_

**Chapter 20**

**Edward**

Controlling my rage was consuming almost every ounce of energy I had. There was no patience in me for the children here. Each class passed in slow motion, every thought that I read was torture. Everyone was thinking about the scene outside Bella's class after second period when her and James made their disgusting display of affection.

If it weren't for my family these people wouldn't even be here anymore, I would have drained them all and then hunted down Bella and ripped her throat out. After everything we had been through, after everything James had done to her! How could she choose him over me? Anger flared in me again and I slammed the gym locker door so hard it caved in on itself. The stupid little boys around me stared but I didn't care.

I walked out into the gym and saw her instantly, standing alone at the edge of the basketball court. My first instinct was to snatch her away with me, run until I couldn't stand her scent anymore then sink my teeth into the thin flesh of her neck. I fought against the urge, but couldn't stop myself from circling her in a predatory way. The lion was finally about to slaughter the lamb.

Bella watched me move, fear made her eyes wide and white around the edges like a deer before the kill. I smiled at her harshly, if only she knew what I had in store for her. James was no longer my primary concern. It would only hurt him more if I killed her first anyway. The muscles in my jaw ached with anticipation, ready for the warm metallic flow of her blood in my mouth. I would be the last thing she saw before her last breath left her body.

The teacher was shouting instructions, paring us up into teams and handing out tennis rackets. I was standing close enough to Bella that when he walked by us he handed me the racket and told Bella and I we were together. He couldn't be more wrong.

"Why don't you come over her sweet heart, I'll show you how to swing this thing." I waved the racket in her face and stepped closer. She was so close that I could see the blood pounding in the little veins at her temples, she smelled so good when she was scared.

In one quick movement I was behind her, I put the racket in front of us so it would look like I was showing her how to serve. Bella began to shake and I shoved my body against hers, squeezing out any air that would be left between us. I lifter her hand to the racket and delicately caressed the light blue vein that ran along her wrist. I whispered down into her ear.

"I'm going to start at your neck, then I'll bite right here." My hand trailed down the outside of her breast lightly. "Then I'll move down here." I let my hand fall to her thigh and I squeezed it roughly, my fingers found the pulse in her thigh. My fingers were only inches from the other pulse between her legs. Her heart was beating at a staggering speed. I was surprised she was still conscious.

"Edward, please… "

"Don't talk. I don't want to hear your voice." I cut her off sharply. I didn't care what she had to say.

"Think about it Bella, I've had every part of you." I moved my hand up so it rested softly in between her legs. I could almost feel the warmth of her through her shorts. She squirmed against me now, trying to move away. I just held on tighter. "All that's left for me have is your blood."

I let the word linger in the air, taking pleasure in the way it made Bella gasp for air.

"If I were you I would rethink your decision to be with James. You can either leave with me and keep the people you love safe or one by one I will take them all away from you. After you have watched them all die, I will take you too." There was no way I was going to let her and James carry on like there were no consequences for their actions.

"You turn eighteen in three days. You have until then. If you don't agree to come with me by mid-night on Thursday, then people will die." I pushed her away violently and walked back to the locker room. Everyone was watching me now, but I didn't care. I wasn't coming back to this place again, at least not as a student.


	21. Chapter 21

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. (Thank God, 'cause I am totally messing with them here and I am sure some Edward lovers out there probably aren't too happy about it lol) **_

_**Thanks for the reviews! I am typing like a mad women!**_

**Chapter 21**

**Bella-**

All the air around me felt heavy, like it was full of smoke and hard to breath in. Everyone was staring at me and it felt like my face was on fire. I slowly picked up the racket Edward had thrown at my feet and walked it over to the crate the coach had taken it out of. With my hands still shaking I headed for the locker rooms, I was done with gym class.

The door on the right side of the gym suddenly flew open and Alice came running in with James behind her. Both of them scanned the area panic stricken. When James spotted me he ran to my side at lightening speed. I glanced around nervously. The shock of what had just happened was keeping me from being hysterical.

"You need to be careful, humans don't move that fast." I said to James through clenched teeth, the strange calmness in me was forcing me to think logically.

"You're ok?" James didn't hear what I had just said to him, he was looking at me like I was a ghost.

"Bella! What happened?" Alice was holding my arm out, inspecting my body.

Everyone in the gym was watching openly now, I leaned into Alice and James and told them to wait for me outside. As I changed back into my clothes in the locker room I resolved to not tell them about Edward's threat. I was absolutely sure Edward was telling the truth and it would do no good to warn them. They would just try to hide me and fight Edward themselves. I couldn't be responsible for anyone getting hurt.

When I found them outside Jasper and Emmett had joined them. Emmett was giving James dirty looks but seemed in control of him self. Thank you Jasper I thought.

"Bella, what happened?!" Alice stopped in my path, her eyes full of concern.

"Nothing." My voice sounded dreamy and far away. Alice's forehead wrinkled and her mouth turned down in the corners.

"But she saw you. She said Edward attacked you." James had his arm around me, watching Alice with uncertainty.

"I came to find you as soon as I had the vision. I didn't wait to see if anything changed." Alice slumped against Jasper. Relief flooded her small features.

"I don't understand, changed?" James was still watching Alice with unwavering scrutiny.

"My visions aren't one hundred percent accurate. Sometimes I don't see things until the person decides on a course of action. Maybe it had been Edward's intentions to attack Bella then he changed his mind." She sighed and looked at my apologetically. "I have been working so hard to block out any visions I have of you or Edward that I didn't see it until the last second. I'm sorry Bella."

I hugged her tightly, not knowing how many hugs I had left with her.

"It's ok Alice, it's not your fault." I leaned back and huddled close to James, Emmett scowled at me.

"I told you Edward wouldn't do something like that. He may be a little crazy right now, but he's not dangerous." Emmett's words sent shivers through my body. No body knew just how far Edward had gone. Not even me until this afternoon.

"I don't think I can go to my next class." The shock was wearing off and my nerves were responding by sending tremors through my body.

When I glanced at Alice she had the far away look in her eyes. She focused on me finally with a sad look. Her eyes drifted between me and James and she shook her head.

"Be careful Bella." She whispered so low only I could hear her. I closed my eyes and looked away. I didn't know what she was seeing and I didn't want to.

"Come on, I'll take you home." James was gently pulling me away from the little circle. I waved good-bye to them, wishing I could make things right. No matter what I did, they had already lost their brother.

In the parking lot I remembered that Edward had driven me to school that morning. It looked like I would be getting a piggyback ride home. The thought almost made me smile. But instead James was leading me towards the new black car in the parking lot.

"I told you I had contacts." His smile melted the ice in me. Being with him made it hard for me to remember the paralyzing fear from earlier.

Once we were on the highway I was able to relax, with the school quickly disappearing behind us I felt better.

"Would you like to see where I'm staying?" James had one hand on the steering wheel and the other was holding mine over the center console. For a moment I almost forgot he wasn't human. Only his unearthly beauty reminded me.

"Of course!" Excitement swam in my stomach. Time alone with James, it was all I needed right now.

We headed the opposite direction of my own house deeper into the forest. Taking small side streets I hadn't known existed until now. We made a left at a small dirt road, it looked more like an opening between the two trees then a driveway. From the street you couldn't see far enough down it to tell there was anything back there. After a couple seconds a small white house came into view.

The roof was new and the front porch had been repaired recently. White wood shutters hung in all the windows blocking the view inside. It was so close to the trees that branches brushed the roof. I smiled as I got out of the car when I saw a small heart carved into the tree closest to the right side of the house. It had a J and B in the center.

James was unlocking the door now, holding it open for me. The inside was simple, a small couch and a new TV hanging on the wall, off to the side an empty kitchen. Down the hall I could see three doors, but only one was open. James came up behind me and slipped his hands into my pockets. I liked to see him living so civally. I wondered what he watched on the TV?

"It's not a huge mansion with an entire back wall made of glass, but I like it." His reference sent a pang of guilt through me. That house had almost been my home once.

"I like it too." I whispered, and I did. It was warm and comfortable. With a little bit of decorating it would be perfect. My smile faded when I remembered I would never see it that way.

We were walking down the hall now, James leading the way to the open door at the end. Inside was a huge four-poster bed; it took up almost the whole room. There were oak side tables next to it and one low dresser with a mirror on the wall opposite it. A door on the other side of the room was slightly ajar, the bathroom I guessed.

James was helping me slip off my jacket and pulled me closer to the bed. That dangerous smile was back, and his eyes were half closed, hooded with desire. I watched as he lifted his shirt to reveal his perfectly lined muscles, they rippled with every movement.

"What did you do when you while you were human?" I asked dazedly.

"I raised cattle." He laughed at my silly question, but it made perfect sense to me. Every muscle in his body had been toned to perfection. I could picture him clearly, sitting on top of a horse, his blond hair tied back with a piece of leather, herding cattle in the late afternoon light.

His hands sliding my shirt off interrupted my vision. We kissed slowly, his little pecks reaching my cheeks, then my jaw. His cool hands were working their way to my bra and it fell with a soft thud onto the carpet. James lifted me to the bed and gently lay down next to me. His eyes were wide, no sign of the cocky confidence he usually had.

"Are you sure this is what you want Bella?" He voice sounded scared, like a little boy.

"I am more sure of you then anything else in my entire life." James kissed me harder this time, the pressure of it pushing me deeper into the pillow. Everything slowed down and simply vanished. Aside from the two of us, nothing existed in my world

James handled my body roughly. When Edward had touched me it was like he was handling glass, being more careful then was necessary. But with James it was more like pushing his limits, trying to see how hard he could squeeze the glass before it broke. I loved it, my body responded to him in ways I never knew possible.

I knew he would never actually hurt me, but being so close to danger was part of the excitement. His hands moved across my chest, molding them to fit around me perfectly. The stiffness between his legs pressed against me, teasing me until the moment he finally slipped inside.

There was no pain with James, no screaming in my head, just pleasure and the need to be as close to him as possible. He was sliding out of me now and I whined in protest, I wasn't ready to be separate from him again. James rolled me onto my stomach and pulled my hips up to him. He used his fingers to find his way back into me and then pulled my head down onto his shoulder.

I was facing away from him, towards the mirror on the dresser. The realization of his intentions made me giggle. I could see him watching us in the mirror, our two bodies working together in rhythm. His hand was still between my legs, working away at the little bundle of nerves there. I sighed with joy; this was the best feeling in the world I thought.

James was growling behind me, his thrusts becoming rougher. His hands held my hips down so each movement brought him deeper inside of me. I was close to screaming now, the pressure in my body was threatening to split me in two.

"Bella... let me save you." His voice was deep and husky in my ear.

I felt his lips on my neck, his tongue flicked at the vein there, pulsing with my heart. Something in me went weak, I wanted this, and I wanted to be with him forever. I let my head fall back further, waiting for the sting. James let out an animal like cry and pushed into me so hard I thought he would rip me apart. I moaned with him, letting the pressure out of me and soaking us both. His hands held me tightly against him. I could feel his breath on my neck, cool and silky.

"Wait!" Reality clicked into place. James hesitated slightly; I could feel the need from him. So strong he could barely hold back.

"No James, not yet." I was trying to wiggle away from him but he was too strong.

I could see his eyes in the mirror, wild and full of barely contained need. I close my eyes and waited.


	22. Chapter 22

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 22**

Suddenly James released me and was off the bed in a flash. The atmosphere in the room was charged, like it might explode at any second. James was standing at the door holding onto the frame tightly, I could hear him breathing through his teeth roughly. I had to mentally slap myself to get my eyes off his naked rear end and get up.

I opened the window, trying to get some fresh air in the room. After I pulled James t-shirt and my underwear back on I huddled in the corner to wait. When James finally turned towards me his eyes still had lust for my blood in them, but his body was relaxed.

"I'm sorry Bella." He looked down, completely unconscious of his own naked body and walked over to me.

"No, I'm sorry." I stood slowly and opened my arms for him.

"This must be incredibly hard for you." His self-control was amazing I thought.

We stood in the dimming light for a long time, just holding each other. When our embrace finally ended it felt like someone had turned a light off. James pulled his jeans on and we went out to the living room to sit on the couch. James was watching me with a funny look on his face.

"Why did you change your mind?" Tears welled in my eyes, I wanted to tell him the truth about what Edward had said to me earlier, but it would only cause more problems. I knew what I had to do.

"It's just not the right time, I want to be able to say good bye to my parents." I had to look away. It killed me to lie to him. It wasn't completely untrue, but not the real reason. If James turned me now, Edward would go on a killing spree. Starting with the people I loved.

James pulled me close to him and wiped a tear off my cheek. He held my hand in his and just stared at them on the couch between us.

"It's the only way I can think of to protect you. Even if Edward killed me, it would be harder for him to hurt you if you were a vampire. As a new born you would be very strong." James was right, I would be able to protect myself, but I wasn't sure if you could protect anyone else.

"I want you to be with me… forever." He smiled at me in the dark, I knew he had been scared to tell me that. His insecurity about our relationship was like a mark on his face, he couldn't hide it.

"I want to be with you too!" The pain I felt was ripping me apart inside. It had never been my destiny to be with the person I loved. I knew that.

"I should go home now, Charl- my father will be home soon." My words were barely a whisper. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I wanted to see Charlie one more time.

"All right, come on." James helped me up and smiled reassuringly at me. "We'll have all the time we want together eventually right?"

I couldn't force myself to fake a smile so I just looked away. The ride home was quiet I could hear James breathing lightly next to me. Night had fallen and it was colder then seemed normal for early September. I huddled down in my jacket; the chill in the air seemed to seep all the way into my bones. My house came into view too quickly. Charlie's cruiser was sitting in the driveway.

"Your father is a cop?" James looked at me incredulously.

"The Chief actually." I laughed; I couldn't imagine Charlie being threatening to anyone.

"Want me to walk you in?" James was moving to get out of the car.

"No, don't worry about it. I'll be fine.. maybe you can meet Charlie tomorrow." I tried to sound light, but my voice came out false and high. James didn't seem to notice.

"Ok, can I pick you up in the morning?" He was looking at my old truck sideways.

"Hey, it runs great!" I looked at my truck with pride. It was a good truck, no matter what it looked like.

"That's the equivalent of saying it has a nice personality." James smirked over at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Fine, you can pick me up then." I kissed him and got out of the car before I changed my mind. All I wanted to do was be next to him, I almost asked him to sneak into my room like Edward used to, but I needed some time to think.

Charlie was sitting on the couch like usual and had a bag of chips sitting on the coffee table in front of him. I went and sat next to him, faking interest in what he was watching.

"Was that dinner?" I asked pointing to the bag.

"Yeah, I didn't know when you were going to be home." Charlie regarded the bag with a slight frown.

"I'll make something." I smiled up at him then went to the kitchen.

I made some scrambled eggs and bacon since there really wasn't anything else in the fridge and called to Charlie that it was ready. I sat in silence for a few minutes while Charlie enjoyed his food, I could barely swallow.

"You seem down Bella." Charlie cleared his throat and waited for me to answer. It was difficult for him to talk about how I was feeling. I know this because it was hard for me too.

"I'm ok dad. It's just that Edward and I uh.. broke up." At least I could give him a version of the truth.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey." He patted my hand and then quickly took another bite, obviously uncomfortable to be talking about this subject matter with me.

"It's ok, it's for the best." I smiled weakly and forced a bite of food into my mouth.

"So what would you like for your birthday?" He asked trying to change the subject.

"How about we just forget about it this year?" I answered gloomily. My birthday was the last thing I wanted to think about.

"Aw, common now.. the big eighteen. You must want something!" His cheerfulness was almost heart breaking.

"Just surprise me dad." My throat was closing around a lump of tears. I hadn't had nearly enough time with Charlie. Most of my time in Forks had been spent with Edward.

"I'm going to go to bed, today wore me out." I put my full plate into the sink and ran the water. Sleep sounded impossible, but I wanted to be alone.

I climbed the stairs to my room slowly, trying to form a plan. There was no way around it. I would have to leave with Edward. I closed my door without turning the light on and flopped onto my bed. I could still smell Edward's sweet scent on the sheets. Tears were coming quickly now. I hugged myself tightly; I hadn't had enough time I thought. Not enough time as a human, or with James. I had just found him again and now he was being taken away. I had to do it though, to protect him.

A sound in the corner startled me and I sat up quickly. A dark shadow came towards me and a scream lodged in my throat. Edward put his mouth to my neck just below my ear and whispered.

"Whenever you're ready Bella, I'll be waiting." Then he was out the window before I could breath.

It wasn't his presence in my room that scared me the most. It was his bright red in his eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Hey everyone, these next two chapters are going to be my last updates for a little while. My little guy is really sick =( I only have a few minutes to edit these then its off to the doctors. Sorry, I hope you understand.**_

**Chapter 23**

The morning brought with it dark storm clouds that billowed and roared with thunder overhead. I had barely slept, each time I closed my eyes I would have nightmares with Edward's red eyes in them. It could only mean one thing- he had fed on a human. My stomach turned in knots when I thought about it. I closed my eyes and wished again for a solution to my problem.

I couldn't think of a way to stay with James without letting Edward kill someone. It seemed so simple, just let James change me. There really wasn't anything I would miss about being human other than my. But something in me knew it would only make things worse.

While I dressed images of a different Edward swam in my mind. The first time we kissed, how gentle his hands were, the way his eyes looked when he told me he loved me. I shuddered when those sweet eyes twisted into the hateful stare I had seen last night. Would Edward really do it? Would he kill me because I have fallen in love with someone else? Obviously he would I thought, he had already killed someone else.

I ran downstairs and stood in the kitchen, food was the last thing I wanted. A light knock on the door scared me so bad I jumped and knocked over a chair next to the table. _James_, the thought calmed me immediately.

When I opened the door he smiled and held up a single white flower, probably just a weed, but it fit him perfectly. His smile seemed more rugged to me today, when he raised his eyebrow at me to ask if I was ready to go it just added to his tough guy persona. James asked me how I slept and I half expected to hear sexy southern drawl.

"Oh it was all right." I closed the flower in between two pieces of paper in my notebook, and then held the folder close to my chest.

"I used to love the night, but it seems to last too long now." He opened the door for me and caught my chin in his hand. "Any amount of time away from you is too long."

He released me and closed the door, how had it taken me so long to find him I wondered. With Edward there had always been sweet, romantic moments, but the intentions behind them had been warped. Edward saw me as a novelty, the human he could be with, who he thought he loved. James put every bit of himself into every single thing he did with me. I never felt like an object or something to be taken care of, just his equal whom he loved unconditionally. I knew if I told James I changed my mind and wanted to go back to Edward, he would let me go.

"About yesterday Bella, you know it's up to you right? If you don't want to be a vampire that's ok." James cocked his head towards me and let his eyes smile.

"I know. It's not that, I do want to. I'm just… not ready." He put his hand behind my head and rubbed my neck.

"I love you, I always will. Even if you're a nasty old lady." James winked and I laughed. Hadn't I already thought of that with Edward? Somehow when James said it I believed it though.

The school was rising ahead of us, for the first time it looked ominous to me. We parked and headed for the stairs, Alice and Jasper were already waiting for us.

" Hello." Alice smiled wearily at James and I both, Jasper just nodded. He had the same calm look as always, but gave me a sideways stare.

"Another fun day I guess." I giggled nervously. I wasn't sure how much Alice and Jasper knew about my encounter with Edward yesterday.

" He's gone Bella." So much for avoiding the subject I thought, Alice took my hand and looked at me like someone who had just lost her dog.

" Carlisle and Emmett went to look for him, but he has... changed." Jasper said the word like it meant Edward had a terminal disease. Alice winced and looked at her feet.

" I have some very bad news Bella." My whole body went cold, everything stopped and it was as if I was floating above my body. I knew this was bad. For the first time I noticed the other students around us. Everyone was huddled in tight groups, the girls were crying, talking in hushed voices.

"What happened Alice?" James put a hand on my back to support me.

"It's Angela." I only needed to hear those two words to put the puzzle together. Edward's first human victim.

"No, no… but he said three days!" Alice looked at me funny then looked back to the ground.

"It's my fault. I should have been able to stop him! But he keeps changing his mind and he is just so erratic! He knows how my visions work. He's been inside them. He knows how to hide from me." Guilt made Alice's words heavy and painful.

"No, you can't blame yourself." Silent tears were streaking down my cheeks. It absolutely wasn't Alice's fault, it was mine.

"How did it happen?" My voice sounded sharp, I had to bite down on the slue of profanity I wanted to unleash at that moment.

"She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't think he singled her out." Jasper had his arm around Alice now, comforting her with his body and mind.

"Angel went to the store for something and he was outside, waiting. The authorities are saying it was an animal," Alice's voice ended in a whisper. I looked around at all the sad faces. Everyone was upset because of me. I did this. If only I had stayed with Edward no one would have been hurt.

"I can't be here. This is all wrong." I turned and ran back down the stairs with the three vampires on my heels.

"Bella wait!" Alice stopped me when I reached James' car.

"Some of the stuff I saw, it had to do with you." Alice looked even more pale than usual under her spiky black hair. She was upset about what she saw. So was I.

"It keeps changing though, I can't be sure what he's planning." Alice shook her head.

James' clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared with anger. "It doesn't matter, as soon as he comes I'll be waiting." He flexed his hands into fists and his muscles bulged under his dark t-shirt.

Everyone began to calm down. Jasper was working his magic on us. I smiled thankfully at him. Suddenly I wanted to tell everyone the truth, about Edward's threat and my deadline, and how I planned on speeding up the process. I even opened my mouth to talk but I caught myself just as the first word formed on my tongue.

"Let's just go please." I looked at James pleadingly. I wanted to spend my last day with him.I turned towards Alice and steeled myself for the good-bye.

"I'm sorry Alice, for everything I've done to your family. I didn't mean to hurt anyone." A sob cut off my words and I had to take a breath in before I could finish. " I do love you. I love you all. I know you understand, and I hope that some day everyone else will too." Alice hugged me tightly.

"Don't do anything stupid Bella. Whatever you're planning it won't work. Edward is too unpredictable. You can't hope to change anything." She had one hand on each of my shoulders and was looking me straight in the eye. How could I sentence her sweet little face to what Edward had in store. I alone knew what he was capable of.

"Let us deal with him." She said sternly.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say in reply, and with one final look at the each of them I threw myself into the car and slammed the door. James followed after a couple seconds.

"Well, I guess my high school career was over before it started." I gave him a look to say I wasn't in the joking mood.

"Aw Bella. Don't worry. There is no way I would let anything happen to you." He almost had me convinced, almost.


	24. Chapter 24

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Chapter 24**

We went to James' house, the only place I could think of to get away from everything. Even my own room held too many memories of Edward to go there. James had the radio turned up and the music was covering the uncomfortable silence.

The rain started to fall just before we reached the house, the rain his us like freezing knives of water falling from the sky. It was so cold, even for Fork's standards I thought. We ran inside and James went to fiddle with the heater.

"Sorry, I don't use this thing." He apologized after a second.

"It's ok, maybe if I just change into something dry it will be ok." I followed James back to the bedroom and put on the shirt and socks he handed to me. We cuddled together under the fluffy white comforter together while I warmed up.

I took a moment to examine the room closer this time. He had pulled the shutters back over the window and the colors in the room were washed out in the grey light filtering in. I could see a small radio on the dresser and a digital camera.

"What's with the camera?" I pointed. James had been watching me take stock of his possessions and was now getting out of the bed.

"I had to do something while I was recovering from my little ah… incident." He grabbed the camera and was right back in bed with me.

I scrolled through the pictures still on the disc and smiled. Every one of them was of me. From a distance of course, but that didn't matter.

"It was the only way to keep you close." James snatched the camera back in embarrassment. All I could do was smile at him.

I laid my head on the pillow and he angled the camera down at me.

"Oh no, don't do that." I giggled in spite of the awful feeling in my heart. This was such a normal couple moment. It made me angry that it was probably the only one I was going to get.

James waited until I stopped covering my face then took a picture. I smiled for him and he took one more.

"Ok, that's enough." I put my hand over the lens and he set it on the side table. I sighed and gathered my courage. It was now or never.

"James, there's something I have to tell you." He looked at me doubtfully.

"It's never good when you start a conversation like that." James tried to joke, but I could hear the apprehension in his voice. I sat up and crossed my legs, picking at the stitching on the pillowcase.

"I have to leave you." The words slipped out as I exhaled, barely making any noise in the dark room. "I have to go with Edward."

My eyes misted over and James sat up to look at me closer.

"What are you talking about?" He seemed barely able to control his voice, his hand closed around my wrist like I might bolt right then.

"He said if I don't come with him, he is going to kill everyone I love." The pitch of my voice went in and out because of the tears. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. This wasn't how I meant for it to come out. I had meant to be strong for him. I didn't want him to see how scared I really was.

"No, Bella. You can't! I swear, I am going to kill him." James' voice sounded like a sharp sword.

"He's already started James. I don't believe he killed Angela by chance, he knew she was the only girl other then Alice I really thought of as a friend." I put my face in my hands and leaned into his chest. Imagining the horror and pain Angela must have gone through made me want to throw up,

"It's my only choice James!" His arms closed around me protectively and he kissed the top of my head.

"No, no it's not. We'll go to his family and tell them. They can help me track him down and stop him. They wouldn't want you to do this either." He sounded so sure. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

"You know that I love you no matter what right?" I held his arms and forced him to look me in the eyes.

"Of course, I love you too… And don't say that like your saying good-bye Bella." James stood up angrily. "You're not going anywhere." He paced back and forth in the small room.

"So when is this little reunion supposed to happen?" James' mind was working a strategy already. I could almost see the ideas turning behind his eyes.

"At mid-night, on my Thursday, my birthday." There was no reason to tell James the rest of my plan; he would only try to stop me.

"Ok then! I'll just wait for him to show, then kill him." James' held out his hands to say, "that's it". I smiled at his courage, it seemed like nothing could scare James.

"I'll head out tonight to track him down, make sure he doesn't try to pull any last second stunts." James was coming back to the bed. I held my hand out for him to come back to me, that was enough I decided.

"Ok James, ok.." I held him close to my heart. "You're right, we'll just talk to Alice tomorrow and this will all be ok." I hoped he couldn't hear the lie in my voice.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together in the bed, making love and talking about things that would never matter. James would draw animals on my back with his fingers and I would try to guess them. For the moment our world was peaceful.

I thought of how much Edward and James had tried to hurt each other in the past year, and all over me. I couldn't understand. It seemed impossible to me that I could ever mean that much to one person, let alone two. The rain outside pounded harshly against the little house and the clock read nine thirty.

"You should probably take me home now." I sighed. Every molecule in my body was fighting against leaving. This is where I belonged.

"How long do I have to keep giving you up at night?" James snuggled against me, breathing in my scent.

"Once I graduate I can do what I want." I let myself believe it for a second.

"That seems so far away though." He whined playfully. I put my hand on James cheek and tried to memorize the shape of his eyes, the smile that never really left his lips, and the soft gold color of his hair.

"It will be here soon." I whispered.

I changed back into my clothes and let James hold his jacket over me as we ran for the car. The gentleman in him was coming out full force now, I only wished it would stay after I was gone.

The drive back to my house was dangerous, if James didn't have perfect vampire vision we would have gone off the road plenty of times. We didn't pass any other cars though. The town of Forks was hiding indoors now.

We pulled up to my house and I held my breath, trying to hold in the tears. This was it. The last time I would see James. He leaned over to me and kissed me deeply, I could feel the need he felt for me. Alice will take care of him I thought. She above everyone else could see the good in him I hoped.

"Good night my Bella." He whispered at me.

"I'll be back for you in the morning." He squeezed my hand as I got out of the car. The rain blinded me as I ran for the front door.

Charlie was in his usual spot in front of the TV, snoring away, lost somewhere in sleep land. I landed a little peck on his forehead and covered him with a blanket.

"Good bye Dad." I mouthed into his ear. It wasn't fair, Charlie had never really gotten over my mom, and now I was leaving him too. My hand smoothed his messy curls once and then I backed away.

My feet felt like blocks of ice as I made my way up the stairs, my hand trembled on the banister. A clap of thunder overhead sounded like the sky was opening up to swallow the Earth, it made my skin crawl. Whatever the future held for me, I was about to face it head on.

I opened the door and knew without looking, he was there. Sitting in the corner like he used to, Edward was waiting for me. His bright eyes glowing in the dark, I slowly turned towards him and held my chin up as high as I could.

"So Bella, two more nights. I hope you're enjoying your last few days." He stood and walked towards me. His steps were that of a hunter, moving silently across my room.

"Why wait?" I tossed my hair behind me and looked up into his face, masking my fear the best I could. "I'm ready now."


	25. Chapter 25

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer  
Thank you so much for all the great reviews and well wishes for my son =) You guys really are the best! My hubby got to come home early and take over sick baby duty so here are two more chapters. Enjoy...**_

**Chapter 25**

Edward laughed and circled me like a vulture, his eyes danced with triumph.

"So I am guessing you got my little warning?" The mocking sound in his voice made me cringe, it no longer had any trace of the smooth velvet romance it used to.

"You lied, you told me I had until Thursday." I couldn't keep the hate out of my voice, what he had done to Angela was evil.

"She was a good person, you had no right…" Anger seethed in my veins, I couldn't keep speaking to him so civilly. I wanted to claw his eyes out.

"A good person? GOOD? What do you know about good Bella?" Edward shot anger right back at me. His lack of remorse startled me. Something in me was still fighting for the old Edward, wanting to believe he existed somewhere inside the monster in front of me.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew I was serious." The smug satisfaction was back, Edward was enjoying shoving this is my face.

"I'm glad you got the point, its too bad you didn't come find me sooner though. I had to have a little visit with Charlie while I was waiting for you." The air in my lungs escaped and my throat closed behind it, leaving me unable to draw in fresh oxygen. It couldn't be true. I had just seen Charlie sleeping down stairs.

"You know, when he answered the door he was angry at me. He was upset that _I _had hurt his precious little Bella by breaking up with her. Can you imagine how irritating that was for me? Him thinking it was _you_ that had been hurt?" Edward's face was only inches from mine now. Little stars began to burst around the edge of my vision and the room swayed beneath my feet. I finally took a short gasp of air.

"No, I just saw Charlie. He was sleeping down stairs! He was snoring!" The words hissed through my clenched teeth. My mind was trying to focus on the details of the scene down stairs. The position Charlie had been lying in, the slack of his face as he slept, oh God- he had to be sleeping.

"Was he Bella? Are you sure?" Edward was grinning now. He seemed so excited I thought he might clap his hands.

Charlie had been snoring! Hadn't he? I strained to hear him now and was met with a deafening silence. I had been so preoccupied when I came in, thinking about Edward and never seeing James again, I didn't pay any attention to exactly what Charlie had been doing. Was I so used to him snoring that I imagined it when he wasn't?

"Think Bella. Did he wake up when you came in the house? Did he stir when you covered him with the blanket? Did he _breath_ when you kissed his forehead?" Black waves of despair were rolling over me now, suffocating me. It couldn't be true, it couldn't. My mind was retreating now, the same way it had after I thought James had died. Trying to protect me from reality by leaving it behind.

"NO!" I fought back against the urge to disappear inside myself and screamed as loud as I could. Hot angry tears were pouring out of my eyes. I balled my hands into fists and beat against Edward's chest with all the strength I had. It was like punching a brick wall.

"You bastard! You fucking piece of shit bastard!" Tremors of hate were shaking my body now. Bone wrenching shaking that threatened to tear my body apart. Yet it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. My teeth chattered so hard I was surprised they didn't shatter into pieces.

"How could you? I hate you! I hate you!" Words were melting together now. I was screaming an incoherent slur of pure fury. I hated Edward and I hated myself. How could I have let this happen? There were so many choices I could have made differently. Anyone of them and things might have been different. I wanted more than anything now to have to power to shove my fist through Edward's chest and rip out his heart. He took me by the shoulders and shook me until I was forced to look him in the eye.

"How does it feel Bella? To lose someone you loved so dearly? This is your own fault. You did this to me! You did this to Charlie!" His words were drowned out by the loud static in my head. Before I could stop myself I spit in his face. He deserved to rot in hell like the soulless piece of creature he was.

Edward reared back and punched me in the jaw, the force of it knocked me backwards to the floor. My head met the hardwood floor with a wet cracking sound. Everything flashed brightly in my eyes, making the colors in the room reversed for a second, like the negative of a picture.

A sharp pain split through my skull, I had to fight to stay conscious. I was trying to find Edward in the room, but everything kept fading to black and then reappearing. Every time I was able to focus he was somewhere else. It seemed like hours when he finally came to stand next to me.

"I am going to enjoy breaking you Bella. When I'm done you're going to wish I had killed you the first day I met you like I was supposed to."

I felt the ground drop away behind me and everything began to spin. I grasped for something to hold on to but all I found was cool emptiness. Air was blowing around me like a tornado and something wet was beating harshly against me. I could feel Edward's cold hard arms holding me, but I couldn't concentrate on any certain point of my body. I felt more like a glass full of air then a human, there was no physical mass anymore. The darkness around the edge of my mind was flowing harder now, creeping its way between thoughts. I was too exhausted to fight it any longer and just let go.


	26. Chapter 26

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Chapter 26**

I could feel the pain again. It started as a dull tingle across my entire body and slowly became the excruciating hammering in my brain. I opened my eyes to a blurry chaos of shapes and colors. The scene doubled then bounced painfully back together. I closed my eyes and rolled to my side, cradling my head in my hands.

For a long time all I could do was fight off the pain that was trying to pull me back into unconsciousness. I was beginning to filter in bits and pieces of my surroundings now. The ground beneath me was soggy and cold, wet grass was bent down under the weight of my body. A gentle breeze was causing a rustling noise in the trees. All this had to mean I was outside.

I was suddenly aware of every part of my body. The pounding in my head dulled enough for me to feel everything else for a second. There was a new pain, like somebody had stuck a knife in me and twisted it. It was coming from the delicate place between my legs.

Looking down I could see the pale sticks that were my legs in the dim light, minus the jeans I had been wearing. A dark stain had appeared on my underwear that had been yanked uncomfortably to the side. Why this? Hadn't I already been through enough? Even after what had happened with James I hadn't felt this way. The pain I felt with him was guilt about Edward, not being violated. In that instant I knew what it meant to be a victim.

My memory was banging against my thoughts, trying to make me aware of something else, something more important. Edward, yes I had found Edward. I had hit my head, hard. That's what was causing the horrible feeling like an ice pick stabbing me in the back of the skull. Oh, and something else... Charlie.

Oh God, not Charlie. This was too much. There were too many different kinds of pain for my body to handle. I pushed myself up a few inches off the ground and threw up. My body heaved and contracted over and over, forcing every bit of fluid from my stomach. I couldn't be true. I begged over and over for it not to be true. Once there was nothing left in me, and the dry heaves that were keeping me from breathing stopped I sat up and looked around.

I was in the meadow. The place Edward had brought me to show him self in the sunlight. Where he had promised to love me forever. Now in the darkness of night, with the disgustingly bloated clouds overhead and everything soaked and muddy, it looked like a cold place in hell. Edward was leaning against a tree, watching me slowly come back to reality.

On unsteady legs I stood, never taking my eyes off of him. I was so tired. Tired of hurting, tired of having to worry, tired of hurting people, I was done being a victim. I righted myself the best I could and then stood completely straight. If I was going to die, it was going to be on my own terms. I would not beg for mercy, I wouldn't give in.

Edward was in front of me now, looking into my face. I stared right back, daring him to meet my eyes.

"You're disgusting." My voice was a steely whisper. It carried quietly across the little clearing.

"I learned from the best." He smiled and put a hand on my neck.

"I should probably thank you. I spent so much time being unhappy, living a life of perversion, fighting what I truly am." Edward spoke through me. He was concentrating on something that wasn't there, a memory maybe. He forced my head to the side so my neck was painfully exposed. " Carlisle forced that indecent life on me, and I resented him for it. I just never realized it until now."

With one slight movement Edward let go of my neck and shoved me to the ground. The impact jarred the wound on the back of my head, but the ground was soft enough to prevent any new injuries. Edward stood above me ranting like a mad man, waving his hands frantically.

" I know now that I never loved you. Your blood was a beacon for me, you were sent to me to awaken the hunter that was sleeping inside me. But because of the way I had been brain washed I denied my need. I let myself rationalize my feelings and convinced myself that I was in _love_ with you!" Edward's beautiful features were twisted into a horrible scowl. His eyes glowed brightly in the night, the evil red color of death.

"Thanks to you, I'm free. I am unstoppable! God tried to kill me once, and he didn't succeed. And now! He gives life... and I take it away!" He grinned wildly, he had gone completely insane.

"Now Bella, my sweet little angel. It's time for you to finally fulfill your destiny. You were meant to be my dinner, all along." Edward laughed menacingly and lifted me roughly off the ground and held me tightly to him.

"Any last words? Would you like to beg me to spare your life?" He was so close to me that I could smell his sweet breath. Its sickly sweet perfume was nauseating.

"Actually, I just want you to know, that I never loved you either. You can go to hell Edward." I smiled and leaned my head back. The warm feeling I always had when I was with James was coursing through my body now. I knew it would all be over soon. There would be no more hurting, it would end with this.

Remorse was threatening to ruin my peaceful resolve to die with dignity. It was my fault that Charlie and Angela were dead, and I had never gotten to say good-bye to Rene. Edward's family was in shambles now, and he had completely lost it. There was no going back from the place he was now. At least I had told James I loved him one last time, that counted for something.

Edward growled and hit me again, this time his blow landed in my ribs, splintering them into pieces. I dropped to the ground and gasped for air. It suddenly felt like I was breathing with a plastic bag over my head. I pooled my strength and looked up at Edward, I smile at him as sweetly as I could.

His foot made contact with my body and sent me sprawling across the little clearing. There was a loud snapping noise as I hit a tree and suddenly my body went numb. I didn't even feel a thing as my body tumbled through the branches to the ground.

Warm metallic blood was flowing into my mouth. It sprayed the ground as I coughed. I wanted to roll over, to get my face out of the dirt so I could breath, but my body wasn't responding. My eyes closed and I thought of James' face. I wanted him to be the last thing I thought about before I died, not the horrible feeling of drowning that I was feeling now.

There was something going on behind me, it sounded like cars colliding. It didn't matter though- nothing mattered anymore. I let the warm feeling comfort me and prayed for a quick release. Soon Edward would bite me and I could stop fighting. I waited. Time seemed to be standing still. With a sudden jerk I was off the ground again, Edward was holding me up by the back of my neck, waving my limp body around like a rag doll. Through the pain I opened my eyes and there in front of me I could see James. I thanked God for little favors and tried to remain focused on my hallucination. Seeing him standing in front of me was way better then trying to imagine him in my head. With one last sigh of breath I smiled. There was a strange gurgling noise in my chest and finally everything went dead.


	27. Chapter 27

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
Woohoo! It's my lucky day, baby slept all afternoon. And some of you know me so well! You totally called it about the JamesPOV. Here you go =) Oh.. and please don't hate me when this is chapter is over. **_

**Chapter 27**

**James**

How could I have been so stupid? I never should have left Bella alone. After I parked the car and made a sweep through the trees around Bella's house I went to check on her. It was exciting to climb up to her window, I anticipated seeing her sweet face sleeping through the storm, but instead the room was empty.

I could smell Edward everywhere, but that was nothing new. His smell lingered around Bella's house like fog, I had always figured it was because of all the time he had spent in the house but something was different this time. I crept around the house looking for signs of trouble when I found the dead man. He still had on his uniform, Bella's dad.

My heart tightened in fear, he had her. I knew it as soon as I found her father. Running full speed I was back outside, picking up the scent in the yard. How long had they been gone? I hadn't taken long to hide the car, but I was in the forest for a while, thinking about my plan to ambush Edward on Bella's birthday.

As I ran through the trees now my mind was spinning with panic. When I had talked to Alice and Jasper on Monday away from Bella they told me Edward had changed, his mind had crossed over into a dark territory. I knew how the evil could hold onto you, it could make you crazy and it made you do horrible things. If Edward had given in to instinct, there would be no hope for Bella.

Bella. Her face was shining in my mind I couldn't let this happen to her. I had promised to keep her safe, and after all she had done for me I couldn't let her down. I love her- I need her, if anything happens I will gladly give my own life to follow her into whatever comes next. I had already seen the shame in her eyes from the things Edward had done over the summer, I couldn't let him touch her again. Anger was taking hold of my body, making me run faster, push harder. He wouldn't hurt her anymore I swore to myself.

The scent was so much stronger now. I had been blessed with the talent for tracking. There was no mistaking that I had followed the right path, I could find Bella's scent anywhere. There was an opening in the trees up ahead and I slowed and listened to what was a happening. Edward had been yelling but now it was quiet. There was a sickening sound of something hard hitting soft flesh.

Something small was flying through the air into a tree on the other side of the clearing. I heard bones break and braches crack as a body fell through them. My instincts kicked in and I tore through the brush into the meadow and threw myself against Edward. The collision knocked Edward forward and I caught myself before I hit the ground. A growl was forming in my chest as I crouched for another attack when Edward jumped up off the ground holding what looked like a pile of muddy clothes.

Bella was hanging in his hand like a lifeless doll. Her face was bruised and swollen, blood caked down the left side of he nose and mouth. Edward shook Bella roughly and her body flopped limply, the entire lower half of her body seemed to be twisted unnaturally. Her eyes opened barely and it looked like… she was smiling.

Everything was agonizingly still, the air hummed with tension. I could hear animals running through the forest miles away, trying to get as far away from us as possible. There was a slow thumping noise, and a sound like water filling up a sink. Bella took one last gurgling breath and went still. There was no more thumping, no more gushing of blood in her lungs. She was gone.

Edward pulled her body closer to him and opened his mouth, positioning his razor sharp teeth just millimeters from her neck.

"NO!" It felt like I flew across the meadow, reaching for Edwards throat. He tossed Bella aside like an old jacket that was hindering his movement.

He dodged my hands but my next movement was quicker and a punch landed on his face. Edward staggered backwards and I tackled him to the floor. My fists were pummeling his face into a mushy mass of broken bones and skin.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" I hadn't realized I was screaming until now. Hatred controlled every move I made. I worked my hands over his body like hammers, trying to break every bone in his body.

Edward was able to get his hands under me and tossed me off of him. I rolled a few feet away and jumped up to a ready crouch, waiting to see what his next move would be.

He and I circled each other like lions fighting for a pack, then I caught the tiny flick of his foot and we both dove for each other. Our fists flew through the air. The sound of shattering concrete broke the silence in the night. It felt like a few of my ribs were broken, and my jaw ached, but I was already beginning to heal.

I had only recently regained my strength so I healed slower than Edward. His face had already reshaped itself and he was smiling at me, his eyes wide with excitement. I was going to make sure those eyes never saw anything ever again after tonight.

He lunged for me and I caught his out stretched arm. I tore his arm from the socket, tendons and muscles ripped from each other. Edward howled in pain and I threw the now useless arm as far as I could. Edward held his other hand over the red fleshy hole on the side of his body now.

"It's too late anyway. You can kill me, but I already killed her. Just like you killed Melody." Edward was panting and his laughs came out as raspy barks. Rage reenergized me and I ran for Edward again.

We were flying through the air. Trees came crashing down beneath us. Edward was trying to hold me back with his one good hand, but he was losing. I snapped and snarled at him, biting every bit of flesh I came in contact with. With one deep breath I leaned back and aimed for his neck. He moved slightly but I caught a good chunk of it before he could get away, his flesh tasted rancid, like decaying meat. I spit it out at him and reared for another bite.

Behind me there was shouting and movement. I hesitated for only a second but it was enough. Edward twisted from under me and was staggering away into the trees. My legs were gathering below me, ready to spring when I hear Alice's voice.

"Bella! Bella! We have to get her now!" Bella's name shocked me, keeping me from moving. There was a hole in me heart, growing with every second, trying to swallow the rest of me into it.

Edward was still moving away from me, his eyes scanning the scene in the meadow. I heard three sets of feet moving through the forest now, coming for us. I turned my head to try and plan my defense. His family had come to help him I thought. But instead of watching me, the three male vampires of his family were keeping their eyes on Edward. I saw Jasper on the end of their line furthest from me, then the large man named Emmett, and finally the blonde older vampire I had seen in Arizona. Alice and two other women were still yelling in panic behind me. I dropped back to let Edward's family finish the job, Bella was more important.

Rain was starting to fall again, washing out the forest around me. Alice and her companions were huddled over Bella's body. As I got close I could see that all she was wearing was a thin grey flannel shirt and underwear. Blood was streaking down her legs, being washed away by the rain. The angle of her body was still wrong, like someone had held her head in one hand and her feet in the other and twisted. It wasn't right for her tiny body to be so broken.

I kneeled down to her and pulled her gently into my arms, I had failed- she was gone. I rocked back and forth, burying my face in her neck. Bella, my beautiful, sweet little Bella, she had been willing to give her life to save so many others so many times. Even when I had threatened to kill her mother, she had coming willingly in her place. Now death had finally won, her heart that was so full of love- was now silent in her chest.

"No, no, no, no. I love you. I love you! Bella, come back. Please don't leave me." Through my pleas I could see the three women watching on the other side of us, rain streaking their faces like tears. This couldn't be the end. I had waited so long to find peace, to be forgiven and to have love.

Grief was crashing down on me. The weight of every moment I had lost with Bella was forcing the air out of my body. I had never felt pain like this before, like every happy feeling I had ever had was being forcefully torn from me. My heart was threatening to explode. The pressure of the loss was too great for me. The skin on my body tingled and went icy.

"Bella, I will be right behind you. I will go wherever you go. I promise, I will find you in death. There is no place the universe can hide you that I won't be able to find." I kissed her face, so blue and peaceful in the pale light of the night. I would leave her here for Alice to bury, and seek out my own death. The only way I would ever be able to rest now. I would find the death I had eluded so long ago now, my existence had come to an end.


	28. Chapter 28

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer  
Of course I wouldn't end it like that! I am not that mean lol... Thanks for the reviews! I love them 3**_

**Chapter 28**

**James-  
**

Everything around me was shaking like we were in the middle of an Earthquake. At first I thought it was from the shock and agony of losing Bella, but I realized it was Alice. The tiny vampire was shaking me and trying to pry Bella out of my arms. Everything had gone quiet, and now noise was returning to my ears like someone turning the volume up on a television.

"Now James! Now!" I couldn't understand what she was saying, the thunder overhead and the pelting rain were roaring in my ears.

The older vampire with her was grabbing at Bella's lifeless body too, trying to rip her from me. I bared my teeth and growled. I wasn't done saying good-bye. There was no reason for them to worry about me hurting her, so why were they trying to take her away?

Alice got one little arm in between Bella and I and pulled. Bella flopped out of my arms into her lap and Alice struck her like a cobra, biting into the cold pale flesh of Bella's neck.

Her actions stunned me momentarily. Were these vampires so weak that the slightest amount of blood could over power their will? I thought they could at least resist when it was someone they knew, a friend. My surprise turned to anger and I shoved Alice away, pulling Bella closer to me, ready to flee with her body.

"James! Bite her! Do it NOW!" Alice's eyes were full of panic, and Bella's blood stained her lips. Without a moment to think about what was happening I leaned over and sunk my teeth into Bella.

I could feel it now, something struggling deep inside Bella to stay alive. Her weak heart was fighting to beat again- Bella wasn't dead.

Her blood touched my lips and for the tiniest of seconds I had the need to drink deeply. The thirst hit me like a drug addict taking his first hit after years of sobriety. I fought against it and relaxed my jaw. Alice was letting Bella's wrist drop at the same time. We worked together quickly, releasing the venom into Bella's sluggish veins.

"Fight Bella, fight! Don't let go!" Alice was holding Bella's face close to her own, willing her to stay with us.

Please don't let us be too late. I prayed for the first time in over a hundred years. If there were a God, he would save Bella. She of all people deserved his grace. Alice sat up and watched her face for a sign of life. Worry creased her forehead and her features went sharp in the sudden blinding light of a bolt of lightening. The sky above us was dumping an offensive amount of rain onto us. Water gathered under Bella so I lifted her head to keep it from spilling over into her partially opened mouth.

When I looked back up at Alice her face was blank, she looked like a porcelain doll with matted black hair and eyes that were painted open. She blinked and came back into focus. A smile formed on the edge of her lips.

"It worked. It worked!" She laughed and bent to hug Bella. " We did it!"

Alice stood to embrace the other vampires. While they celebrated I watched Bella. She hadn't moved or taken the slightest of breaths in minutes, how could she be so sure?

There was a noise behind us as Jasper and his two companions entered the clearing, their faces sullen. Alice ran to Jasper, her face shining with happiness in the dark. They spoke for a minute and the light faded slightly from her eyes. I wanted to know what had happened with Edward, but I couldn't leave Bella.

She was so cold, I ached to feel the warmth of her hands and see the pink tinge of her cheeks. Right now she was as stiff and frigged as an ice sculpture, and as blue as the sky right before the sun rises. Alice was running back to me now. She bent low to whisper in my ear.

"We have to move her. Edward thinks she's dead. We have to get out of here before he finds out." Her words rang hollow in my eras. Edward was still alive.

I almost jumped out of my skin when Bella gave a tiny moan at that exact moment. Relief warmed my body, bringing strength back to my weakened limbs. I cradled her close and stood to follow Alice. The rest of her family gathered around me in a tight circle and we ran together into the forest.

Every second brought new animation to Bella. At first it was small gasping breaths, then she tensed in my arms, her body withered in pain. The venom was taking affect. By the time we reached the Cullen's large house she was screaming in agony.

The older vampire, Carlisle, lead me to an unused room with a large bed. He checked her injuries and the progress of the transformation. Everyone had gathered around the bed. Bella convulsed and rolled back and forth, tangling herself in the light tan sheets. Her screams bounced around the room, making it feel like we were standing in the middle of a horror film.

Alice came with dry clothes and ushered us out so that her and Esme could change her. I was reluctant to leave, but the look on Esme's face told me I didn't have a choice. There was no way I was about to cross that angry vampire right now.

In the hallway Carlisle gave me a long measuring look, then apparently decided I was all right to stay. After a few more minutes he had decided I was worthy of the information he had to offer.

"She's going to be ok. It seems that you and Alice got enough venom in her." He ran a steady hand through his blonde hair, even now he looked completely put together. There was no sign that he had just been out in the pouring rain, hunting a violent vampire.

"As far as I can tell by looking, there is a fracture to the back of her skull and her neck and lower back are broken. As for internal injuries I can't be sure. From the damage I can see I don't doubt they are extensive. The healing process will be extremely painful since the venom hasn't completely taken over her body yet. Until she actually dies she will still experience pain like a human." His words made me wince. Bella had already been through so much. Now she had to go through the pain of dying and being resurrected. In a few days my fragile little Bella would be one of the undead.

Carlisle's shoulders slumped and he lost the air of professionalism. He suddenly looked tired and disheveled.

"We lost him near the shore. Edward has always been the fastest. I'm sorry." He continued to look at the ground in shame.

Alice and Esme were coming out of the room now, Bella's screams echoed out into the hallway from the open door. Esme put her arm around Carlisle and they both shared the same broken-hearted look. It occurred to me that these vampires truly believed they were a family, and they had lost one of their sons.

"It's not your fault, you tried." My words of sympathy seemed awkward; I wasn't sure how they felt about Edward now.

"You can stay as long as you need to. Bella shouldn't be moved until the change is complete." Carlisle had finally lifted his eyes to mine. There wasn't complete acceptance, but a grim resolve. He knew Bella and I belonged to each other, and that I posed no danger to any of his family now.

"Thank you. For everything." My gaze shifted to the pixie standing next to me. If it weren't for Alice I would have unknowingly let Bella die. She smiled and took my hand.

"Don't worry James, everything is going to be ok." I had no choice but to believe her. For now I would forget about Edward, his time would come eventually.

They made their way towards the stairs and I went back into the room where Bella was struggling against the change. I hated seeing her muscles cramped in pain and her eyes wide with torture, but my heart was light with thankfulness. Someone had answered my prayers. She was here; she was going to stay with me.

I stayed with her in the room for three days, watching as her body knitted its way back together, and then slowly died. When she took her last breath I held mine, waiting for the moment when her eyes opened and instead of a deep dark brown, I saw a bright glowing scarlet.


	29. Chapter 29

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 29**

**Bella-**

Heaven was beautiful. Everything was clean and soft and shimmered brightly in the warm sunlight. I was lying on what felt like a cloud, cuddled up in James' arms. Even the air itself seemed to be sparkling gold and silver.

"I knew you'd be forgiven. It wouldn't be heaven without you." I smiled up at James and let myself relax deeper into his hold. He smiled right back and when he spoke it sounded like we were underwater.

"What?" I asked him. He was shaking me gently, still smiling sweetly at me. I giggled and tried to sit up.

"I can't hear you James." The muscles in my body weren't listening to my signals to move. I wanted to get closer to James' face so I could hear what he was saying. His voice came slightly louder now.

"There is no place the universe can hide you that I won't be able to find." His eyes looked sadder now, and everything blurred around the edges. He was shaking me harder now, my head rattled uncomfortably.

"Stop James. Your not making sense!" Suddenly I fell out of his arms and the ground beneath me seemed so cold and solid, not soft and transparent like a cloud anymore.

Chills ran up my arms and ice shot down my spine, something was wrong. There was a small pricking feeling on my neck. I wanted to lift my hand and massage the spot that was stinging now, but my body still wouldn't move.

"Now! James, now!" Alice's voice rang in my ears. It sounded like she was shouting across a large room, her voice echoing out of an unseen speaker. It no longer felt like I was in a great open plain swept with billowing clouds. Dark walls were closing around me as it got colder and colder.

Sharp little pains were piercing me everywhere now. The light on James' face went from the warm gold of sunlight to a dreary pale grey. Water was rushing in around me from somewhere I couldn't see, dripping into my eyes and soaking my body.

All at once my body arched against the stinging that was shooting across my body, it felt like I had burst into flames. I screamed and reached out to James. I wanted him to save me, to stop the pain, but he just watched me with those same sad eyes. My skin was pealing and flaking away from the fire that engulfed it.

The fire lasted forever, I had been wrong. My soul hadn't gone to heaven- it had gone to hell. My veins burned like glass was flowing through them, slicing me open from the inside out. I clawed at my own flesh, wanting to tear it from my bones to stop the horrible searing pain. Everything I touched was excruciating, like sand paper being run across an open wound.

Finally- after what seemed like an eternity and when I couldn't take another second of the unbearable burning- I took in one last fire filled breath of air and everything stopped. It was as if someone had thrown water onto the flames, the pain in my body dulled then completely disappeared. I lay perfectly still, fearing that any movement would trigger the torturing pain to come back.

My ears were unnaturally tuned into the noises around me. I could hear the hum of voices close by, like people were talking on the other side of a door. There was the low rhythmic breathing of somebody close by. I could hear material rubbing together and footsteps right behind me.

Slowly I opened my eyes and was shocked at how focused everything was. There were tiny fissures in the plaster above me, so miniscule that I doubted anyone could see them with a microscope. But here I was, seeing them with the naked eye. Colors were more vibrant then I had ever seen in my life, even the basic Earth tones around me seemed to glow brightly.

This room seemed strangely familiar. I had been here before. Alarm raced through my body when I remembered where I was, the guest room right next door to Edward's room. I sat up quickly and searched the space around me. I was trying to remember what had happened, how I had gotten here. There in the chair next to the bed was the only person in the entire universe I wanted to see.

James smiled weakly at me and leaned forward to hold my hand. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, releasing all the tension from my body. I had made it to heaven after all.


	30. Chapter 30

The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Sorry it was so long between updates, had a busy weekend =(

Chapter 30

Bella

Shakily, I took James' hand. It no longer felt cool to touch. It was the same temperature as mine. I filled my lungs with oxygen and held it in shock. My nostrils tingled with the scents around me. They were so strong I could taste them.

Another new feeling was stirring in me, making me swallow roughly. "Your hungry." James smiled apologetically at me. It was a statement, not a question.

I contemplated what he said. Hunger- that was the best word to describe the dry itch in my throat. My veins felt empty, dry and cracked. I wanted to quench this growing thirst inside me, but the thought of water did nothing to sooth the need.

There was a knock on the door and Alice's little face poked into the room.

"Bella! You're awake!" She skipped to the bed and wrapped me in a hug. Alice smelled amazing.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I inspected my arms and hands, expecting a change for some reason. The only thing I could find was that my skin was smoother and paler then I had ever seen it.

"Come down stairs, Emmett has something for you." She almost sang the words. James shook his head and tried to hide a smile. If it was from Emmett, then I had no idea what to expect.

We filed down stairs silently. My own footsteps were just as quiet as James and Alice's, like we were floating instead of walking.

Rose and Emmett were sitting in the living room, whispering with their heads down. At one time I wouldn't have even known they were talking, but now I picked up bits and pieces of their words. I heard Edward's name, but they stopped talking when Alice stepped off the bottom step.

"She's up!" Alice's clear voice rang through the house, bringing Jasper and Esme from the dining room.

"Oh, you look so good." Esme gave me one of her best motherly hugs and stepped back.

I smiled broadly at everyone, they all seemed so accepting of me. Even after everything that had happened they were still able to be nice to me. I wanted to stay and talk with them, ask a million questions about what was happening, but the burning in my throat was making me antsy. I scratched at my arms uncomfortably and shifted my weight from leg to leg.

"Oh, right. We can take care of that." Emmett nodded at my nervous ticks and started for the back door.

James put a hand on my back and gently pushed me after him. The secret smile he had earlier had come back, it seemed like Jasper and Alice were snickering too. When I stepped out into the light of the back yard I had to shield my eyes. Even the dim grey light sneaking through the clouds was almost blinding.

Once my eyes adjusted I looked around at everyone to see that they were looking right back. They were waiting for something, for me to do something, but what that was I had no idea. From behind me I heard the whiny bleep of a goat. I whirled around in surprise, and tied to a tree a few feet away was a large white goat.

"Happy eh, birthday." Emmett said with a smile that said he had thought very hard about the punch line to this joke I still didn't get.

All I could do was stare. What the hell was I supposed to do with a goat? After a minute where the only movement was from the animal it hit me.

"You have got to be kidding me." My head snapped back to Emmett and James, who were now standing close together, sharing suppressed giggles.

"This isn't Jurassic Park you jack ass!" My own brazenness surprised me, but I couldn't help but laughing a little. All the old reserve and fear had left with my heartbeat.

"I know this seems- odd. But we figured it was the best option until we have a chance to teach you how to hunt. And right now isn't really the best time to have you running around out where there is a chance someone could see you." Alice had put a little hand on my shoulder and was walking towards the animal with me.

"I don't think I can do this." I was shaking my head until I caught the scent of the goat. A spark lit inside me and my whole jaw began to ache with need.

I could hear the blood rushing through its veins, a constant "whoosh- whoosh- whoosh" noise, rushing in sync with its heartbeat. James was standing on the other side of me, holding my hand.

"Just, let your instincts take over." He whispered into my ear. I registered Rosalie's sneer from beside us absently. She was clearly enjoying my unsteady approach to this new life.

I put my hand on the goat and let it run gently down its back in an attempt to sooth it. It had begun to buck and struggle against the rope as I got closer.

"That won't help, it can sense what you are." James was backing away, giving me room to work.

The scent of its flesh was surrounding me now, making the thirst beat hungrily inside my veins. Everything around me shrank away and I struck, landing my bite on the soft, fragile little spot on the goat's neck. My new teeth sliced through skin and tissue to pierce a vein cleanly. Blood ran freely into my mouth and I drank urgently. Time stood still and all I could feel was the satisfaction of sustenance. It was the same feeling I got when I ate a huge bowl of ice cream after a bad day. Nothing could ever taste better than this.

When the flow of blood slowed and my surroundings snapped back into existence I took one final drink and let the dead animal fall to the ground. I stood up panting heavily- the experience had been thrilling. The taste of the blood, being able to sense the goat's fear and pain, and the final moment when it's heart stopped, it had all been so exciting. I turned to James with blood still dripping from my lips.

"When can I have more?" I was almost shaking with anticipation. My muscles twitched with electricity. They wanted so badly to sprint into the forest and stalk down anything that came into my path. I sniffed the breeze gently, searching for my next prey.

"Whoa, take it easy. We'll feed again soon." James wiped the blood from my lip with his thumb.

"Is that what it's like with a human?" Curiosity was making me eager. I didn't want to stand around anymore.

James' eyes went dark as he looked me over, tightening his hold on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about that right now." My whole body was shaking, like I had drunk too much coffee. Alice's worried face knocked me back into reality.

This made sense now. I was already losing control, if I left the safety of the house who knew what might happen. I looked into the faces of everyone standing around me, for the first time I noticed that we were missing someone.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked without thinking. Rose and Esme exchanged pained looks.

"Lets go inside and talk." James took my hand and I let him pull me into the house.

Slowly memories were flooding my brain. Edward, the fight in the meadow, Charlie, Angela… it was all coming back. Grief and anger burned in me. Things weren't ok- I wasn't ok. Maybe I was stronger, but there were still things I had to take care of before I would ever be all right.

When we stopped just inside the door I turned to James and looked him straight in the eye.

"I want you to teach me how to control myself so I can leave the house." I let the urgency of my request pour into my words, trying to make James understand how important it was.

"It's going to take some time Bella. Just is patient." He was smiling and smoothing my hair, trying to calm me down.

"No. I need to do it now. So that I can do _that_- to Edward." I pointed outside at the dead goat lying on the ground.


	31. Chapter 31

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**Thank you for the reviews!! You're all so great! I mean, I was seriously expecting people to tell me to get the hell off the site when they read this but.. wow! Thanks again =)**_

**Chapter 31**

James' eyes went wide when he finally understood why I needed to get out of the house so badly. He edged me further inside and dropped his voice.

"I know you want revenge Bella, and you will get you. I promise. You just have to give it a little time." James held both of my hands, concern made his voice soft.

"It's more than revenge James! Edward _deserves_ to die. He is evil, the world isn't safe with him here." The cruelty of Edward's actions had made me lose all hope of him ever returning to normal. "Normal" I thought sourly, just what was that anyway? Edward had only shown us what he wanted us to see, hiding the evil inside himself.

"Bella, you're stronger now, very strong. As a newborn you're even stronger then me and Emmett, but Edward is smart. He knows how to fight and he is watching for us. Let me take care of him." Alice and Jasper had followed us into the living room and sat down quietly.

"I think Bella will be ok." Alice had a knowing grin painted on her face, and Jasper was just watching us like some boring soap opera.

"See! If you show me how to hunt and fight, I'll be ok! Edward won't be expecting me either." James thought about this for a minute then nodded. He wasn't happy, but he agreed to help me.

Rose and Esme were standing in the entryway talking excitedly. Esme seemed upset and Rose was trying to calm her down.

"Oh no." The words slipped between my lips as I watched them. "What happened to Carlisle?" I gripped James' arm firmly, if something had happened to him…

"He's fine. He is just out looking for Edward." Jasper was finally interested in what was happening with us, he sat forward to put his arm around Alice. "He was calling us every night, but we haven't heard from him since yesterday."

Calmness settled over the room and I saw Esme visibly relax. Her and Rose came into the room and took seats in the over stuffed armchairs next to the couch.

"I haven't seen anything happening, so we're trying not to worry." Alice smiled reassuringly at Esme, but I could hear the doubt way back in her throat. We all knew that Edward was capable of fooling Alice now.

"Why is he though? Why would he go alone?" Me sentences were rushed together. I didn't understand how they had all allowed this. Edward was dangerous and Carlisle was too trusting. Instead of fighting Edward he would probably try to convince him to stop this madness and come home.

"He feels like it's his responsibility. After all… he is the one who made Edward." Esme looked at me calmly, but the set of her mouth told me how scared she was.

I sat down on the floor next to the wall and hung my head in my hands. Charlie's face appeared behind me eyelids. Sweet Charlie who had spent his entire life helping others, who had never hurt a soul, was gone because I had to be stupid enough to fall in love with a vampire. I wondered if it had hurt. Had Charlie known he was going to die? I hoped it had been quick and Charlie never had a chance to be scared. I knew without a doubt he would have been thinking about me. That hurt more then anything.

My chest tightened and my throat closed, a reaction out of habit. There were no tears in me to spill. I sucked in a breath of air and a strangled squeak escaped. James' arm went around my waist and pulled me close to him.

How had things gotten so out of hand? My entire life since coming to Fork's had been so complicated, all I wanted was peace. I wanted Charlie back and I wanted to be able to be in love with James without someone trying to kill me because of it.

He kissed my cheek and leaned his forehead against me. James didn't try to console me, he knew there were no words that could make this pain better. I thought of Billy Black, Charlie's fishing buddy.

"Oh no. Who is going to fish with Billy now? He was Charlie's best friend! It's not fair! It's NOT fair! Why did this happen?" I was bordering on hysterical now. I clung to James, almost ripping his shirt with my tight hold.

"I know its not." His voice was so low and deep it vibrated inside me. The calm feeling was pushing into me again, Alice was whispering to Jasper and he was nodding.

"Can we please go do something, teach me to fight, teach me how to track! I can't just sit her and do nothing." The hysteria had gone and a grim resolve was taking its place. I wouldn't let one more person be hurt by Edward.

"When the sun goes down." That was all James would give me for now. My frustration was fighting against Jasper's influence.

"Bella, if someone sees you… it would be very bad." Esme's sweet voice was hushing me like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

"They all think your dead Bella." Alice finally broke it to me. "After they found Charlie, they looked for you. All your stuff is still in the house, and your truck was still there. They think whoever killed Charlie took you and murdered you too."

"We already had to pull out of school. Once Carlisle gets back, or gives us the signal, we are leaving. If someone sees you now it will just make things worse." Rose sounded bitter; it was the first time she had actually spoken to me.

I understood her anger. She had predicted this though hadn't she. Way back in the beginning, when I thought I was in love with Edward. Now it had all come true. Things had gone horribly wrong and everyone had to pay the price.

"Where will you go?" My voice wavered. I didn't think I could stand to lose them now, especially not Alice.

"Back to Alaska. Just until people forget, but we will probably never come back… here." Esme cast a guarded look around the house. She had grown to love this place, her home. It would hurt them all when they finally left it.

"I see." There wasn't anything left to say, eventually they would all go, and I might never see them again.

"We were hoping you might come with us. Both of you." Esme's eyes flickered between James and I. They were wide and hopeful.

I looked up at James and he gave me is side smile, "It's up to you." Something in his eyes told me he already knew we were going.

Alice smiled at us and I ran to her. We held hands and had a silent conversation, just between us. She really was my sister now. Our moment was short lived unfortunately. I couldn't forget the circumstances in which I had come to this point.

Outside the light was dying. My instincts were telling me I should be outside, I was a creature meant for the night now. When I looked to James he was still smiling at me sinisterly.

"Anyone up for a fight?" Emmett chuckled and cracked his knuckles beside me.


	32. Chapter 32

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
I tweaked yet another detail (ok.. so I changed everything completely, but this may really bug some people.) I always thought Bella's "power" was sort of um… lame. It came in handy and all, but it ruined what could have been a great fight scene. Since with her shielding everyone there really was no way for the Volturi to get in and tear some sh*t up. So I have changed it. =) Don't hate me.. I promise in the regular 'ol Twilight universe everything is how it should be.**_

**Chapter 31**

Outside the air was cool and crisp. I could actually smell the clouds above us. I lifted my face to them and took a deep breath in. The confined, antsy feeling I had was gone now. I listened to the animals in the forest scurrying over the soft moss covered ground and the breeze rustling the wet leaves sending a shower of water over the forest. The world around me had never been so beautiful and inviting before now.

Confidence in my ability to survive in the harsh wilderness and fight off any predator made me feel unstoppable. Immortal… the meaning of the word felt real for the first time. A laugh bubbled inside me like carbonation, tickling the sides of my body. James was watching me with an astonished look on his pale face.

"You're enjoying this?" His golden eyes were wide and unbelieving.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean… this is going to sound ridiculous but I feel alive! I can hear everything around me! And the smells- it's like I'm standing in the middle of a candle store, everything is so strong. I can't believe I was oblivious to all this before." I threw my arms around him and kissed him softly, and he returned it with a force so strong we ended up on the ground. We stayed like that for I don't know how long, only stopping when James sat up to look at me.

Bits of grass and leaves were sticking to him and his blond hair was a mess of tangles behind his head. He looked perfect even then. There was no doubt to me that he was a part of nature. There was nothing morbid or wrong about what we were. As long we could control our instinct to kill humans, we had a place in this world.

James had backed away from, crouching low to the ground. After a couple feet he dug his toes in and just as I was realizing what his intentions were he sprung. My mind absently recalled our first day in the dugout, this time I knew he wasn't going to catch me before we hit the ground. He came at me like an animal. With his pale skin and light blonde hair he reminded me of a lithe white tiger, flying towards me at a blinding speed.

I braced myself for impact at the last second and we went tumbling across the yard, pieces of earth and small plants went scattering into the air. James rolled off of me gracefully and landed back on his feet laughing. His eyes sparkled right before he lunged again, but this time I was ready. My instincts kicked in and my body prepared for battle.

My knees bent slightly to absorb the hit and I shifted slightly to the left. When James' body collided with mine I used his own momentum to swing his body head over heals away from me. When he came to rest on his back I jumped on top of him and pinned his arms above his head.

"Oh, this is so fun!" I giggled down at him as he struggled against my hold. James had warned me, but my own strength was still a surprise. He used his feet to push me off of him and I mimicked his earlier roll to land strategically on my feet.

"Just you wait, I'm not going to be nice anymore." James jumped and sent his body soaring into the air. He landed a few feet behind me but I was already turned around waiting for him.

Behind me there were loud footsteps coming at me like a charging bull. Without thinking I jumped the same way James had, pushing myself as high as I could. Emmett went running right beneath me, his shoulders down and head cocked to the side like a line backer. I landed without making a sound and got into position again, listening for an attack from any side.

Emmett and James looked at each other a smiled broadly. It made me happy to see a friendship, how ever weak it might be, starting between them. I didn't have long to think about it before the both shot off in opposite directions and circled around behind me. They were both skilled hunters and were keeping completely silent now. Even Emmett's huge frame was moving quietly somewhere behind me.

An instinct I had never used before told me to relax. I closed my eyes and opened my mind to the space around me. I could sense the openness, and where the trees started. It was like an open room with light misty walls rising where the forest began, just like in the meadow when I had been dying. The position of the objects around me shimmered slightly. I could walk with my eyes closed and know exactly where they would be. Further away there were two brighter objects, moving slowly. Emmett and James I thought excitedly.

I turned towards them slowly, keeping my eyes closed and smiling. I watched as the shining entities came towards me at lightening speed. When they were only a few feet from me and there was only a split second left, I crouched low and swung my foot out to trip James while reaching out to grab Emmett with my hand. They crashed violently into each other and fell to the ground. I was left standing in the same place, laughing with amazement.

"Bravo Bella!" Alice and Jasper were clapping from the sidelines, watching our little death match with glee.

"I was wondering when it would hit you." Alice was closer now, looking at me like a proud mother.

"What would hit who?" James was brushing himself off and helping Emmett up.

"Bella's power, I always knew there would be something. Why else wouldn't Edward be able to read her mind?" Her words were filling me up with edgy excitement.

"What was it like?" She asked, her eyebrows drawn in curiosity.

"Oh, I don't know how to explain it." I cast a glance around wildly, trying to pull an explanation out of the air. "It was like being in the dark, and everything was glowing like it was covered in little white Christmas lights."

I closed my eyes again and opened my mind. I could see the fiery light that was Alice standing right in front of me. It was so vivid that I could sense her movements before she made them. With every breath she took it would glow brighter then dim slightly as she exhaled.

"Weird." I whispered to myself. When I opened my eyes everyone was watching me again, just like that afternoon when Emmett had given me my birthday present.

"Emmett, I never got to thank you properly for my present earlier." I was edging towards him, not making any sudden movements.

He knew what was coming though and tried to dodge my strike. I sensed his movement before he could make it. I tackled him to the ground and pulled his arms up behind him, smothering his face into the ground.

"Ah, Bella! Rose is going to get all pissed if I get dirt on my face!" He was laughing but I knew it was true so I let him go. Unfortunately for him there were streaks of mud all across his right cheek. Rose would definitely let him have it later.

"I told you I could do this! I'll know what Edward is going to do before he does! All I have to do is find him. You can teach me how to do that." I had bounded over to James like a happy little colt who had just learned to walk, but the second after I had said Edward's name the atmosphere changed.

Everything went tense, Emmett and Jasper had their heads hung a little lower then normal and their eyes were dark with shadows. No matter what Edward had done, he had still been their brother once. The guilty feeling had returned and I no longer felt free and strong.

"I'm sorry." I was speaking to everyone. There were so many things I had ruined, where was I supposed to start?

"We know." Jasper smiled at me, but it looked fragile. They were trying to understand. I knew how hard it could be to hate someone, even when they did awful things to you or people you loved.

I reached out my hand to find James' already waiting for me. Eventually we would move past this, but none of us would ever forget.

"Maybe we should go hunt. I'll show you how to pick up a scent." James pulled me gently away from the house. We would let the rest of them have time together in private. They had asked us to stay, but for now, we were still outsiders.


	33. Chapter 33

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
I am starting to feel predictable lol.. everyone knows what's coming already =) Oh well.. it just shows how good you guys are! Thank you everyone who is concerned about my little guy.. he is getting better. He has some weird form of the measles.. but its going away! I know how much it sucks to wait for a story to be updated so I am trying to keep up. Thank you for being patient.**_

**Chapter 32**

James and I disappeared into the forest as silent as ghosts, our feet barely touching the ground as we weaved in and out of the trees. I was going so fast that the trees in front of me blurred together, but that didn't matter, I could _sense_ where they were.

Next to me, I could feel James slowing down so I followed. We stood perfectly still, listening to the sounds in the forest. From the south I could hear the cracking of twigs and the steady huffing of an animal. James nodded his head and took off in the direction of the sounds.

The smells in the forest were mingling together like a stew, all the ingredients cooked together as one. I could faintly pick up various difference, the earthy bark on the trees, the sweetness of the leaves, and finally the musk of a male moose. We darted trough the trees, bounding lithely over the brush on the forest floor. We hid a few yards away from a large moose scratching its antlers on a tree.

James was trying to send me hand signals but I ignored him and closed my eyes. I let the light of the world around me flare up and separate into different objects, settling my attention on the one glowing the brightly where the moose was standing. It was almost done marking his territory, and once his attention came back to the forest around him, he would sense the danger.

Without waiting for James' to tell me when to go, I sprung across the small opening and landed stealthily on the huge animal with my arms around its neck. It reared backwards and tried to buck me off, but I was too strong. My teeth sunk into its flesh and I fed greedily. After I had my fill I let go of the moose and jumped back to inspect the kill.

James had apparently took some blood too because his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were heavy. I understood his feeling of gluttony. My body felt bloated, full with the liquid, I didn't want to move anymore. I laughed at James as he patted his stomach that could never look full and walked closer to me.

"I guess animals aren't all that bad." He said idly, cutting off the conversation as he slipped his hands into my hair and dropped his lips to mine.

"You know, we're not too far from my house here." James whispered with his lips still against mine. I didn't need any other invitation. We took off again holding hands as James lead me to his little house in the trees.

The front room was dark and cool when we entered, but we didn't bother with lights or heat. It wouldn't matter to us anyway. James caught my arm and pulled me to him, lifting me so I could wrap my legs around him. We kissed so hard I knew that if I were still human it would have broken my face. James was trying to maneuver us through the hallway to the bedroom while I was tearing his shirt to pieces.

My movements forced him against the wall and a large crack splintered to the ceiling. James must either didn't notice or didn't care because he was leaning further into the wall and thrusting his hips into mine. After a second loud cracking sound we went crashing through the plaster and drywall into the empty room behind us.

The explosion of debris didn't slow us down. James just rolled me onto the floor and finished tearing off the remaining shreds of his shirt. He grabbed the front of my shirt and balled it into his fist and with one swift yank he tore it off of me in one piece. The look of pure desire on his dark face made me giddy with anticipation.

I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back down to me, digging my strong fingers into his back and arching into him. His mouth was all over me, his sharp teeth grazed my nipple and I sighed in excitement. James pushed at my pants and without hesitating he was inside me. The feeling of the two of us becoming one, it was everything I needed in my existence.

Our gasps of pleasure and the soft sound of skin on skin were the only noises in the little room. Everything was sweet and slow in the beginning. James and I were finding each other again, discovering what it was really like to be together. Now that there was no chance of him hurting me, James unleashed the full power of his strength.

We rolled together, never separating, so that I was on top. James squeezed my hips and pounded himself into me. I leaned my head back and screamed in delight, his hands moved to my breasts and he kneaded them roughly. Every inch of my body that he touched tingled like he was running ice cubes over my skin.

James lifted me so that I was standing and shoved me against the wall, his lips met my neck and I shivered lightly, an old human reflex. James used his tongue to draw a line down my body to my belly button, kissing across my stomach lightly.

"Bella, tell me you'll stay with me forever." I kept my eyes closed and let the light of his body glow in front of me. It seemed so bright now, brighter than the sun.

"Yes, Forever." I mumbled into the darkness. His fingers moved inside me, knowing exactly where to touch.

"You promise?" I could feel him smiling up at me now, waiting for the one word.

"Promise." All I was capable of at the moment was whispering a single word.

His light flashed impossibly bright and he stood to face me, lifting my leg with his hand and burying himself inside me, pushing with every ounce of strength he had. He put a hand into my hair and pulled my head back slightly. My eyes opened into small slits to see him watching my body move against his.

The walls were crumbling around us, and glass broke somewhere to my left. I growled and wrapped myself around him, pulling us both back to the ground. The foundation shattered underneath us and James howled while I bit at his chest. We were sitting up, facing each other now, both us trying to see who could push the hardest. My screams were wild as my body tensed and came, covering James in the wet evidence of my orgasm.

We collapsed to the floor, still entangled in each other's arms. I laughed and sat up on my elbow, running a hand down his muscular stomach.

"I guess we won't be staying here." I giggled. His eyes surveyed the damage and he laughed.

"It's ok, we're moving anyway." He ran a hand through his blonde hair sending pieces of dust and debris to the floor.

James turned the full power of his sad eyes to me and became deathly serious.

"Did you mean it?" He sounded so unsure. It made me almost feel as scared as he was. But instead I laughed and settled my head onto his chest.

"Yes, I meant it." I heard the air leave his lungs in a sigh that sounded hollow with my ear pressed against him.

"Did you mean what you said? About helping me." I asked lightly. James immediately tensed again and gently pushed me off of him so he could look my in the eyes.

"I love you, and I really wish that you would change your mind about going after Edward." He shook his head and dropped his eyes for a second. "But if that's what you want… then yes. I will help you. There is no way I am letting you get near him alone though."

I could sense the glow in James again, this time with my eyes open. It was a weird blending of the physical world and the light inside him. James' glow was brighter than others- it felt different. I would be able to feel him forever, no matter where he was. He felt so familiar, like he was part of me.

"We should go back, before the sun comes up." James kissed my cheek and stood up, reaching down to help me. I groaned and let him pull me to my feet.

"If we have to." I whined with a smile.


	34. Chapter 34

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**_

**Chapter 34**

It took us only minutes to get back to the Cullen's, but we never made it inside, Alice was running out to meet us. Everything about her was tense. Jasper was trailing not too far behind. The immediate calm feeling that always came with him was flowing through me. My new sixth sense was picking up the flow of emotion from him. It was a thin fog of dim light floating about him, seeping into anything it got close enough to touch. It was so beautiful, I wanted to close my eyes and study it closer, but Alice was talking urgently, barely being controlled by Jasper.

"Carlisle got too close to Edward." Alice's voice sounded like it was in chains, trying to escape her throat. A million ideas of what that could mean were simultaneously playing in my head.

"Edward would have killed him, but when he found out that you were still alive… well, existing… he took off. He's coming here Bella, for you." Something dark and hungry awoke inside me. It was every horrible thing Edward had ever made me suffer through and all the hurt and sadness he had caused was feeding it. For the first time I truly felt the evil of what I was.

Suddenly the desire for blood was stronger then anything I had ever felt before in my life. I wanted to rip limbs from bodies and crush bones, my hands balled into fists and a snarl was tearing its way through my chest and out from behind my clenched teeth. If Edward wanted me, he could have me I thought.

I was going to make him feel every ounce of pain he had ever inflicted on innocent people. He would know what it meant to fear for your life, then to have it taken away. Just like he had killed Charlie, Angela and who knows how many other people. The angry red color of my eyes was spilling over into my vision, making the world look like it was covered in blood.

Jasper had backed away and pulled Alice with him, she had a strange look of satisfaction though. James hadn't moved, but his face was full of surprise, studying me like he had never seen me before.

I crouched low and closed my eyes, letting the instincts completely take over. There weren't any words anymore, no coherent thought, only the nature of my being. Instead of the bright white I had seen before, everything was pulsing red and black. The muscles in my legs flexed and sent me sprinting into the empty black space ahead of me.

There was nothing for me to be scared of here. I was part of the darkness. It was flowing out of me, infecting the space around me. I was moving through the trees like the wind. The ancient giants shuttered like baby saplings as I passed, the moss hung from them in shades of scarlet and maroon like pieces of flesh and tissue.

There was no need for me to smell Edward. I could sense him, his very being burned against my mind like a bone fire. Behind me James was struggling to keep up, his form was still the blinding white it had always been.

Part of me was able to fight off the rage long enough to stop and tell James to wait, if he got too close Edward would be able to read his mind. I hissed the command at him without really seeing him, bounding further into the forest before he had a chance to respond. Edward was closer now. His presence was close enough to burn against my skin.

He heard me, but I was too fast and too quiet for him to register what or who was there. Edward stood between two trees, crouching low to the ground waiting for another sound. I crept behind him and threw myself into the air, landing a kick between his shoulder blades that sent him crashing through the trees, taking a huge spruce with him. Before Edward could even gather himself to sit up, I was standing over him.

I could see that his left arm was twisted up into a painful position behind his back. He used his right arm to push himself up and looked around to see what had hit him. Edward's eyes grew wide with surprise then quickly narrowed in hate when he saw who was behind the attack. Obviously amazed at how fast I had moved he cautiously stood up, not even blinking.

Even with my eyes open the shimmering blur of red light was all I could see, blending with the physical world like it had earlier. I could see Edward standing in front of me, but I could see his light flicker right before he moved to lunge at me and I was able to shift to the side before he could touch me.

I laughed as he hit the ground and rolled to a kneeling position, trying to comprehend how I was so fast even though I was a new born. My laugh came out low and sinister, sounding more evil then I knew I was capable of. Edward's face changed again, this time he seemed intrigued. Edward stood and pulled his arm into its natural position, it had still been dangling unnaturally behind him.

"Being dead has certainly improved your attitude." Edward gave one of his most dazzling smiles. " I should have turned you a long time ago."

We circled each other like caged animals now. Both us smiling, both of us expecting to survive this encounter, I was positive that Edward was wrong.

"Oh common Bella... lets just kiss and make up. I bet we could have some real fun now. You can leave Carlisle and his idiot ideologies. We can live the way we were intended. Humans are the ultimate prey, nothing compares." He was getting comfortable now. He thought I was wild and easily manipulated.

"Oh Edward, you never could figure me out could you?" I laughed again then dove for his throat, digging my fingers into his flesh and locking my knees against his sides.

Edward screamed in pain as I bit deeper and tore at his neck like a rabid animal. I had almost bit all the way through to his spine when I saw the flash before he could brace his arms underneath me. I was able to roll off of him just in time. Edward scooted away from me to sit against a tree.

The tissue and muscles on his neck were already beginning to knit themselves back together. I crawled towards him, rearing for another attack. Just as I reached his legs he was able to land a kick on the side of my jaw, throwing me off kilter and sending me crashing into the tree next to him. My jaw hung loosely and pain pulsed through it, but I could feel it tightening and the throb dying away immediately. Edward was standing again, but he was keeping his distance.

I lost all control and stopped planning my maneuvers, I rushed him with lightening speed and flattened us both into a tree the width of a phone booth. It toppled over and we landed in a cacophony of branches and moss. Growls and snarls were coming from both of us like two cougars tearing each other apart.

I ripped a large branch from the tree and plunged it through Edwards's chest, the sickening sound of his chest plate shattering and his ribs ripping through his lungs made me smile. It didn't slow him down though, he gripped the branch and ripped it out of his chest, tossing it aside like a twig.

"It's going to take more then that little Bella." His mocking voice cut through me like glass and I screamed in frustration.

My hands hooked into claws and I ripped at his face and neck, shredding his skin to pieces, exposing the light pink tissue beneath it. He tried to bat me away but I caught his hands and held them above his head, I was strong enough to break him. My right hand clenched into a fist and I pummeled him repeatedly, letting my fury propel my punches harder and faster until Edward was unrecognizable.

This was the end, I could feel Edward's light growing dimmer, he was losing strength and giving up. I put my hand under his chin and pushed his head up, forcing him into submission.

"How does it feel Edward? To not be the one in control anymore?" I was enjoying my victory, leaning in slowly for the kill.

"I always loved you Bella, I'm sorry I ever hurt you… please forgive me someday." The voice coming from the battered mess beneath me was the soft velvety music that used to be Edward's voice, not the malicious sneer it had turned into. Just for this last moment, it was the old Edward who had believed he loved me, who had convinced me it was the truth. My resolve to kill him wavered, I hesitate only inches from his neck, my mouth slightly parted.

"It drove me mad when I realized you loved him more then me. After everything he did to you, and I love you more then anything in the world. My entire existence I waited to find you, and you left me for him. I had nothing left to live for. This is what I want, for you to end the pain for me. I never meant to kill anyone. It just went too far, I let the anger control me. Please do it, stop the agony." Edward's eyes had healed. I could see the deep scars in them from his broken heart. The pain was bottomless, darker and colder then any other place in the universe.

I released his hands and took my hand off his chin, still crouching over his body to look into his eyes. It hadn't really been Edward who killed Charlie and Angela- it had been me. When I chose James over Edward, I set in motion all the events that had taken place.

The world was fading from the fiery red around me, back to the soft snowy white. Pain and guilt tightened around my chest and I almost reached down to hug Edward, to tell him I was sorry for everything I had ever done. I broke his heart then took his family from him. He wasn't the evil one.

His face was completely back to normal now, his beautiful features drawn in sadness. I leaned my head back and looked up at the dark clouded sky above us, imagining the stars that were hiding behind them. I couldn't kill Edward, not after what I had already done to him. I would leave with James. We would go away and never come back so that Edward could keep his family.

I was just about to look back down at him and tell him to go when I felt it. The shimmer right below me, Edward going for my neck. It was only a fraction of a second, and then it was gone. My eyes focused where Edward's face was supposed to be, but there was only the ground covered in moss and leaves. Supposed to be? My mind wasn't processing the image in front of me.

There was Edward's torso, his shoulders and arms, then nothing. A gaping hole full of pinkish tissue and grey/white bone. When the image finally made sense I jumped back in shock, looking at my own hands in disbelief. How could I have- I didn't even remember…

Everything was whirling into place now, the trees, the ground, and the intensely bright star shining next to me. Just before Edward's head disappeared I had been thinking about the stars, and now one was in the trees with me, radiating heat like the sun. No- not a star- James. He was looking at me with remorse, barely meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella. He was going to hurt you." It took another moment for me to figure out what he was sorry about, and then I saw the round form in his hand.

Edward's eyes were still narrowed in fury, his mouth twisted into an evil snarl. He had done it again, made me believe he was something he wasn't. My own gullibility had almost gotten me killed, except James had been there to save me.

"Don't be sorry… never be sorry." I put my arms around him and let his soft light envelope me, making me feel lighter then air. Then he kissed me.


	35. Chapter 35

_**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**_

**Chapter 35**

**Eighteen months later…**

Forks was just as cold and rainy as I had remembered, but it no longer bothered me. I was used to the snow now anyway. A little rain didn't matter. We drove through the dark forest road in silence. James knew this was difficult for me.

It had been easier to move on while living in Alaska with the Cullen's. After James and I burned Edward's body and his head separately- of course- we had packed what we could and left that night, all of us.

In the surreal life of Alaska with a new routine and being close to the people I cared about, my past in Forks seemed far away. It was easier to imagine that Charlie was still here, going on with business as usual, then to face the reality of his death. There were the moments where I would be overcome with grief, unable to move or talk, but James was always there to pull me back.

No one ever talked about Edward any more. It was an unspoken rule in our family. That was what we are now, a family. James and Emmett had bonded even closer, in fact everyone had grown to accept James, only Carlisle had kept his distance. I don't think he will ever really get over the loss of his first son… but hopefully with time the pain will dull. Until then he was polite and respectful to James, but didn't treat him with the same fatherly love he gave to everyone else. It didn't bother James any though, he told me he already had a father and he was dead, then immediately tried to pull his foot out of his mouth when he saw the pain in my eyes. My father was dead too, but I still loved Carlisle.

We spent the past year and a half alone, the eight of us living together in a small crop of houses. We kept far away from human eyes, only venturing into town when we really needed to. Except for me, the draw from human blood was still too strong. James promised he wouldn't let me do anything I would regret. I was just more comfortable not taking the chance.

When I finally felt like I would be strong enough, he agreed to bring me back here to say goodbye. It was something I needed to do, to really move on. I knew Rene must be heart broken, but she was alive and had Phil to comfort her, so I would leave her in peace. I only needed to let go of Forks and everything that had happened there, it was like a ghost haunting me wherever I went.

James pulled the car into the dark driveway of my old house. No one had the nerve to sell it. It was easy to break in through the back door, and James let me have my privacy as I made my way through the empty house. The kitchen looked smaller then I remembered, even without the wooden table and mismatched chairs, the yellow cabinets seemed duller.

I made my way through the living room, trying to imagine the sound of the TV and its constant stream of sports commentary, avoiding the last place I had seen Charlie. The stairs shifted as I silently made my way up, trailing my hand along the rough wood on the wall. The door to my room stood open and pale moonlight was streaming through, making my room glow blue like ice.

The old yellowed curtains still hung in the window and there was a small box in the corner, but someone had taken out everything else. I sat down on the floor and emptied the contents of the box. Two of my old books, Jane Austen and Shakespeare, the keys to my old truck, all of my school pictures that had been above the fireplace and Charlie's police shield.

I buried my face in my hands and wished for the millionth time to be able to cry. It was useless. There were no tears, only the hollow feeling in my heart that opened on occasions like this. I would never again have the release of crying. I looked again and saw something soft sat at the bottom of the box. When I pulled it out I didn't know what to feel. It was one of Edward's shirts.

I had spent months contemplating what had really happened between Edward and I and my conclusion was that I had loved him at one time. There had been something real between us. I couldn't make myself believe that we had never been in love, despite what Edward wanted me to think. I held the shirt up and breathed in its scent, it was still sweet like the flowers that bloomed in his meadow.

I placed everything back in the box except for Charlie's shield and took one last look at my old room. This wasn't my home anymore it was just a place in my memories now. I left the house feeling lighter and sadder all at the same time. There was only one more stop to make before we could go home.

The cemetery was small and gated, but no one was around to see us jump over the high fence like we were flying. In the far east corner the plots looked fresher and more manicured then the rest of the cemetery, so that's where I started. It didn't take long before I came upon a small square plaque in the ground that read Angela Weber, beloved daughter, sister and friend. I placed a single pink rose next to it and whispered an apology into the still night air. I knew she was gone, but I hope she could hear it from wherever she was.

James was waiting a few feet away at a larger headstone, this one jutting a foot into the air and had a large shield engraved on it. Charlie Swan. I crouched down to put my cheek against to cool stone.

"Dad… I'm so sorry. I never meant for anyone to get hurt." I thought of all the times I could have told him I loved him but didn't. I had inherited my inability to voice my feelings from Charlie, and now I wished I could have fought it just once.

"I love you Charlie." I mouthed the words against the smooth headstone. A strong warm hand touched my shoulder and I suddenly felt ok. I knew Charlie was in a good place, no matter where it was and he would want me to be happy.

The warmth from James still felt funny to me, but it had been there ever since that night in the forest when he saved me. Jasper told me it was love, not heat, but it didn't make any difference to me. I enjoyed it either way. I leaned into him and was about ready to leave when a splash of color in the moonlight caught my attention.

Fresh white flowers lay at the base of the stone next to Charlie's and the letters caught my attention. Bella Swan, it seemed so wrong to me that even the words looked misspelled. It hadn't occurred to me that even though the official story was that I had died somewhere off in the forest- that they would still bury me without a body. I felt a dark irony for standing at my own gravesite, than wondered half interestedly at who had bothered to bring flowers.

"Let's go home." James kissed my neck and all other thoughts disappeared into the night. It didn't matter, not anymore.

I said goodbye to Charlie one last time and left with James to start my eternity.

**Thank you so much to everyone who kept up with my story =) I really appreciate all the feedback! I am actually sad to end it... lol. Please let me know how you liked it all together. You guys rock!! -Laura**


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